


can you feel the rush

by permutative



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Practice dating, Sometimes Figuring Things Out is Hard But That's Okay, Soobin is The Nation's First Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/permutative/pseuds/permutative
Summary: “Well, it’s settled.” Beomgyu leans forward, his smile blooming into a full-fledged grin. “Of course I’ll help you, Taehyun. After all,” he clutches his heart dramatically, hand over chest, “who am I to deny true love? I’ll make sure you’re the best boyfriend that guy has ever come across.”(Or: in order to win over his crush, Taehyun asks Beomgyu to teach him how to date. This can't end well.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 105
Kudos: 346
Collections: WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2020/21





	1. PART ONE

**Author's Note:**

> > this is set in the USA  
> > kai/taehyun are freshmen in college, soobin/beomgyu are sophomores, and yeonjun is a junior  
> > nct's jaehyun is also used as a sibling in this fic, mostly because i like him n__n  
> > **newbury street** — well-known shopping street within the city  
> > **psetting** — short for problem-setting, i.e. the process of doing one's problem sets

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu!”

When Beomgyu finally stops and turns around in the middle of a crowded hallway, Taehyun’s panting slightly from chasing after him. He knows he makes for an odd sight, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“You okay, Taehyun?” Beomgyu stares at him. “Sorry I didn’t hear you at first—”

“Beomgyu,” Taehyun interrupts. He’s always been straightforward, to the point, and this is no exception. “Teach me how to date.”

Beomgyu blinks, slow and dumbfounded. Then he begins to laugh; it peters out quickly. “Am I hallucinating?” he wonders out loud, hand over heart. Beomgyu’s always had a flair for the dramatic. “There must be no way the great Taehyun Kang is asking _me_ for—”

“Beomgyu, I really need your help.” Taehyun steps closer, trying to look as sympathetic as possible. He considers pouting in that way Kai always pulls off with ease, but then again, it’s _Beomgyu._ Even Taehyun has a tiny shred of pride in a situation as dire as this.

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow at him. “Why _my_ help, specifically?” he nods down the corridor where they’ve stopped. “I have to get to class.”

“You’ll be late anyway,” Taehyun shoots back. “Aren’t you always late?”

Beomgyu frowns, almost petulant. “You aren’t exactly helping your case,” he points out with a pout. He starts to stride forward again.

Taehyun keeps in step with Beomgyu as they proceed down the hall. He can already tell Beomgyu’s going to agree. He keeps on giving Taehyun hesitant glances, as if expecting for him to explain himself yet not willing enough to admit to his own curiosity.

Taehyun just needs to pull out the big stops, then. He clears his throat, forcing the word out: “Please.”

Beomgyu stops in his tracks, biting down on his lip—a sure sign that it’s _working._

“Please,” Taehyun continues. “You’re the only one that can help me.” Alright, that isn’t _exactly_ true: he, of course, can consult Jisung and Kai. Not that either of them would have anything useful to offer.

Beomgyu softens, tapping on his lower lip in thought. Then he grabs Taehyun’s forearm suddenly and begins to drag him in the exact opposite direction of where they were heading before.

“Hey, what the hell!” Taehyun protests. “Don’t you have class—”

“They don’t care about attendance,” Beomgyu says, hand sliding down to grasp Taehyun’s wrist. “Let’s actually go somewhere so we can _talk_ about this, alright?”

Taehyun stares down at Beomgyu’s fingers clutching onto his shirtsleeve, long and graceful. Then he shakes them off. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Beomgyu replies, giving him a wink. And honestly, knowing Beomgyu, Taehyun isn’t all that surprised when he realizes they’re walking to the nearest coffee shop.

It isn’t long until Beomgyu slides a caramel macchiato in front of him. His expression suddenly appears more serious than Taehyun’s ever seen it before.

“Now, start from the beginning,” Beomgyu says, intent. “Why do you wanna learn how to date in the first place?”

—

Taehyun Kang is a boy—a _man_ —of rational intellect. He’s a math major, after all: his classes are filled with problem sets that require him to explain his reasoning, to prove or disprove. Regardless, he isn’t sure there’s any theorem or definition that could justify the way his heart _pounds out of his chest_ after walking into his Real Analysis lecture for the first time.

He isn’t nervous about taking the class—sure, he’s a freshman in a sea of upperclassmen, but that isn’t new for him—but he’s particularly struck by _who_ is taking this class. One guy, in particular. He’s tall, blue-haired, and smiling as he walks down the aisle of seats in the lecture hall. He's also really, _really_ handsome. Not in an objective way, necessarily, but the Mysterious Upperclassman exudes this sense of warmth that seems almost magnetic: so different from the rigid facts of life Taehyun’s always resigned himself to.

Kai would probably call this moment “love at first sight.” Jisung would likely scoff at Kai and tell Taehyun to get to know the guy first before making any drastic claims of love.

Regardless: he isn’t thinking about what either of his best friend’s reactions would be when he steps inside the room.

Usually, Taehyun sits at the front of the lecture hall—it’s easier on his eyes—but instead, he finds himself following the guy’s footsteps, settling down a row behind him. He’s close, but not so close that it comes off as creepy, or anything.

Taehyun might not be the best at this whole romance thing, but he has some common sense, at least.

Still, whatever rationality Taehyun might’ve been priding himself for flies out of the window when Mysterious Upperclassman turns around and flashes him an apologetic smile.

“Hey, I was wondering if I could borrow a pen?” he asks.

Taehyun stares, just a little. Mysterious Upperclassman has a _dimple._

He snaps out of it. “Uh, yeah, sure,” Taehyun replies, bending over to search through his backpack.

Normally Taehyun would scrounge up some shitty Bic disposable ballpoint and call it day, not worrying if he’d get it back or not, but something about that smile makes Taehyun take out one of his nicest pens—a Muji gel pen, 0.38 mm, part of the six-pack that Jisung had given him for Christmas—and hand it over.

“Thanks, man.” Another quick smile, no less enchanting.

Taehyun stares as the guy turns back around and twirls the pen in his hands. He doesn’t snap out of it until the lecture starts.

—

“You gave him one of your _Muji_ pens?” Beomgyu asks, surprised. He sticks out his lower lip, pouting a little. “You never lend those out to me, what the hell.”

Taehyun flicks his forehead. “That’s because I know you’ll lose it,” he says. They both know that Beomgyu prefers writing with a pencil, anyway.

“Yeah, whatever.” Beomgyu’s eyes flit down to his Americano. He looks oddly serious again, just for a moment. “Did your man return the pen after the lecture?”

Taehyun crosses his arms, leaning back in his chair. “Of course.”

“Right,” Beomgyu says slowly. He’s considering Taehyun carefully, fingers steepled under his chin. “And you need _my_ help.” He still sounds disbelieving.

“I could barely _form a sentence_ around him,” Taehyun replies, taking an agitated sip of his macchiato. It’s too hot; he burns his tongue. “What am I supposed to do?”

He rarely asks Beomgyu for help; he’s just never had the need to, considering his good grades and overwhelming common sense. But he’d expected Beomgyu to agree after some point, not keep staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“It’s just surprising,” Beomgyu says softly, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. “I can’t believe little Taehyunnie is having his _first crush._ ”

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “I’ve had crushes before,” he lies easily. The truth is he had never allowed himself to entertain the thoughts of liking someone else—not until now.

“But nothing like this, evidently.” Beomgyu’s watching him carefully, sharp-eyed and observant.

Taehyun takes a well-timed sip of his caramel macchiato to avoid answering and tries to shrug at the same time, which leads him to almost choke on his drink.

“Well, it’s settled.” Beomgyu leans forward, his smile blooming into a full-fledged grin. “Of course I’ll help you, Taehyun. After all,” he clutches his heart dramatically, hand over chest, “who am I to deny true love? I’ll make sure you’re the best boyfriend that guy has ever come across.”

Taehyun sighs with relief. “Thanks, Beomgyu.”

“Of course.”

Beomgyu turns away to glance around the shop for a moment, his silhouette backlit against the bright sky outside the window. As the afternoon light filters into the coffee shop, it lights golden around his hair, bringing out the brown undertones.

Taehyun blinks at him, then looks down at his empty cup and decides to throw it away.

He’s a little envious of Beomgyu’s natural charms—undeniable and omnipresent, like the sun shining too bright in his face when he wakes up in the morning—but at the same time, _this_ is why Beomgyu’s the best person to ask for advice. It’s a much better alternative to his other closest friends: Kai, who’s figuring out his sexuality, or Jisung, who’s been in love with his high school best friend for the past three years.

Beomgyu’s pretty, in that objective way that not even Taehyun can deny. Out of any of the people Taehyun’s managed to befriend over the course of his first couple months of college, Beomgyu’s definitely the most successful at whatever intangible magic is involved with attracting the person he likes.

Taehyun just hopes Beomgyu can transfer some of those abilities to him.

—

In Taehyun’s defense, it’s not like he’s had a wealth of opportunities to figure out how to ask a guy on a date. He’d spent his early teenage years in Jaehyun’s shadow, running track in the hot Texas sun, too focused on shaving milliseconds off his hundred-meter dash to think about relationships at all. And by the time he’d ended up at high school—an all-boys school, prestigious and decidedly Catholic—well, he figured it would be better to wait till college lest he get hazed off the team or something. He knew he lived in a fairly liberal city, went to a fairly accepting school, in the scheme of things, but _still._

It’s like this: he’s pretty sure his parents don’t think of themselves as racist, but that doesn’t take away the memory of them yelling at Jaehyun when he had asked a white girl to prom. Taehyun has never been as bold as Jaehyun, doesn’t ever want to be, so he waited, instead. He hid his copy of _Aristotle and Dante_ under his bed so no one could find it, turning his face the other way whenever his brother said _that’s so gay_ in jest.

Taehyun’s smart enough to know when not to rock the boat, but it’s starting to leave him stranded and stagnant for too long.

And that, really, is what brings him to Beomgyu seeking help, hoping to figure out a teenager’s first crush a couple of years too late. He’s laughable, really: him, Taehyun Kang, eighteen years old and without any knowledge of how this is supposed to feel.

—

**From: Beomgyu**  
u free rn?

 **To: Beomgyu**  
Just got out of alg  
Why

 **From: Beomgyu**  
meet me at the library  
hass building

 **To: Beomgyu**  
?

 **From: Beomgyu**  
first lesson  
study date *_*

It takes a while for Taehyun to find Beomgyu within the library. He usually has no reason to enter the humanities buildings—especially not the library—and Beomgyu’s hidden away in an intimate corner nook, surrounded by shelves of books on three sides. He’s sitting at an empty table and working on one of his problem sets, pencil tapping against his notebook as he reads over the questions.

“Hey,” Taehyun greets, sitting down across from him and sliding his backpack off his shoulders to hit the floor.

Beomgyu looks up and closes his notebook with an excited slam, wincing at the loud noise right afterward. He looks appropriately apologetic, a compelling performance, but there aren’t any librarians present to give him a scolding. “You’re finally here!”

Taehyun squints at the title of the problem set, reading it upside down: _Multivariable Calculus._ Go figure.

“Any reason for choosing the _Hass_ library?” He continues in a loud whisper, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s so far from the main campus.”

Beomgyu looks around, eyes wide, then leans forward. “No one comes here,” he says. “Like, I haven’t seen a single other person on this floor and I’ve been here since noon.” Right now, the sun’s beginning to set, diffusing warm, orange light through the nearby window. It sets the planes of Beomgyu’s face in shades of amber.

Taehyun blinks at him. “Exactly, so why the _hell_ did you make me walk here?”

“Do you _want_ other people to see?” Beomgyu counters, raising an eyebrow.

“Fine,” Taehyun relents. He settles into the chair, trying to make himself comfortable despite the frankly unnerving way Beomgyu’s looking at him right now, bright-eyed and intense. “Hit me with your best shot.”

Beomgyu clasps his hands together. “Well, first of all, I figured we’d have to play to your strengths.”

“My strengths?”

“Yes, your strengths,” Beomgyu continues. He narrows his eyes at Taehyun. “And no, I’m not talking about how many pullups you can do.”

“Hey, at least I _can_ do a pullup,” Taehyun deadpans, feeling mildly affronted. Ever since he stopped competing in varsity track, he’s used all his excess energy in the gym instead. It’s a lot of fun, even if Beomgyu calls him a gym rat and claims he’d much rather stay in bed.

Beomgyu cracks his knuckles, then offers his hand to Taehyun, elbow resting on the table. “You wanna try me?”

Taehyun rolls his eyes, not bothering to respond. He might be better at pullups, but for some reason, every single arm-wrestling match between the two of them has ended in a stalemate. He’d rather not get into the details.

“Okay, back to what I was saying before,” Beomgyu continues. “Listen, Taehyun. You’re pretty smart.”

“Right,” Taehyun agrees dryly. He isn’t too impressed with this, considering that Beomgyu’s standards of intellect are a little fast and loose at times.

“You’re a nerd, honestly,” Beomgyu says. Taehyun frowns at him, about to interrupt—just because he no longer runs track doesn’t mean he’s automatically a nerd now, right?—but Beomgyu beats him to the chase: “You don’t think wanting to be a professor is even a _little_ bit nerdy?”

He’s watching Taehyun as if he’s waiting to see whether Taehyun’ll contest his point. Beomgyu isn’t _wrong,_ as much as Taehyun hates to admit it. Hence, he stays silent, although he hopes the look he gives Beomgyu is appropriately mutinous.

“So.” There’s a serious expression on Beomgyu’s face again. “You have to master the art of the study date. It’s pretty simple.”

“Uh,” Taehyun starts. He’d been thinking about this ever since he received the text from Beomgyu, earlier, to come to the library. “What’s the difference between a study date and just, like, studying?”

“You’ll see.” Beomgyu smiles in a secretive sort of way that makes Taehyun feel like he’s missing out on something big. “Let’s just study for now, okay?”

“Alright,” Taehyun shrugs, trying to push that feeling away. He’s never liked not knowing something, so instead, he focuses on what he _does_ know: the contents of his problem sets. He rifles through his bag and pulls out his Mac and notebook, ready to start in on his assigned proofs.

It isn’t long before he’s lost in the rigors of his analysis classwork: it’s only the first week, so they’re covering the epsilon-delta definition of a limit and simpler problems that rely on algebraic machinery.

He’s in the middle of writing out an absolute value when he feels this _thing_ running up his leg, and, well. The Hass library is on the older side, and if there’s anything Taehyun’s first couple of months in the dorms have taught him, it’s that old buildings attract mice, and he hates pests, so—

He yelps. Loudly, with a high pitch that even Beomgyu’s a cappella friends would be jealous of. It isn’t long before he realizes it hadn’t been a mouse crawling up his leg, just the sole of Beomgyu’s beaten-up Air Force 1s. Beomgyu’s laughter—muffled behind a hand—and his glittering eyes, shining with mirth, make it obvious enough.

“What the fuck was that!?” Taehyun hisses furiously, eyes darting around the library. He can’t see much past the bookshelves, but he _knows_ that whoever’s on this floor must’ve heard him shriek.

Beomgyu’s giggling a little. Under the table, his shoe nudges up against Taehyun’s. “I didn’t know you were going to _screech_ like that—”

Taehyun frowns. “Well, you’re the one who put your foot on my leg—”

“Boys,” a librarian, clearly an overworked graduate student, interrupts them. “Could you please keep it quiet? I know there aren’t a lot of students here, but it’s still a library.”

She looks both too exhausted and too kind to yell at them properly, but Taehyun still schools his features into something appropriately contrite. After a couple of apologies—Beomgyu clearly has a lot of experience with laying it on thick for authority figures, no doubt because he’s been in such situations before—the librarian leaves.

Beomgyu’s expression immediately switches from apologetic to intrigued once she’s gone. He leans forward, his problem set forgotten. “Have you seriously never heard of footsie?” As if to demonstrate, Beomgyu repeats what he had done earlier, the sole of his sneaker sliding up Taehyun’s calf and settling on his thigh.

Taehyun barely suppresses an uncomfortable shudder. “Seriously, stop doing that,” he says, jerking his leg away so that Beomgyu’s foot falls off. “It feels so weird.” It reminds him of being in elementary school, when he’d sit with the other kids at lunchtime and they’d kick their legs at each other, too much energy to sit still.

“Footsie,” Beomgyu continues, clearly disappointed by Taehyun’s lack of interest, “is one of the simplest ways to flirt.”

“ _Flirt?_ ” Taehyun asks, incredulous. He crosses his arms. “If someone tried that on me, I’d just stomp on their foot.”

“Come _on,_ ” Beomgyu says, eyes pleading again. He looks at Taehyun and flutters his eyelashes in a way that’s supposed to be attractive.

“Are you _sure_ you wouldn’t find it the least bit sensual,” Beomgyu continues, voice low, “if the man of your dreams”—here, he pauses for dramatic effect, and begins to slide his foot along the seam of Taehyun’s jeans again—“ran his foot up your leg?”

Taehyun shudders at the sensation, once again, but Beomgyu’s intense gaze on him makes the feeling decidedly more ambiguous.

Beomgyu grins wickedly. “I think it’s starting to work,” he says, thankfully removing his foot from where it had been resting on Taehyun’s thigh. “Not bad, huh?”

“Sure.” Taehyun doesn’t think it’s that great, really, but maybe it just depends on the person. He tries to do it to Beomgyu, feeling off-balance as he drags his left foot over Beomgyu’s shin. “How’s this?”

Taehyun watches as Beomgyu swallows deeply, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Um, yeah,” Beomgyu replies after a second. He doesn’t meet Taehyun’s eyes. “That’s fine.”

Taehyun slides his foot back down, feeling satisfied, and the two of them go back to studying. This library’s honestly pretty nice, even if it’s far away from the main campus; the sun has already sunk low into the horizon, windows showing nothing but the dark sky outside, but the floor is lit with this golden warmth that feels much more welcoming than the engineering library’s fluorescent blueish-white lights.

When Taehyun looks back down after observing the ceiling for a couple of moments, he glances over at Beomgyu. From the way Beomgyu’s glaring down at the latest integral he’s written down, Taehyun can gather that he’s stumped by some problem.

Taehyun clears his throat. “Are you stuck or something?” he asks. Normally he’d wait for Beomgyu to request his help first—this hasn’t been the first time Beomgyu’s needed it—but now that he’s noticed, he doesn’t hesitate.

Beomgyu nods, looking relieved as he glances up from his notebook. “Here,” he says, handing his scratch work over to Taehyun.

Taehyun scans through it quickly. “Yeah, this is all wrong,” he says.

Beomgyu laughs at that. “You’re so honest,” he says. “It’s really nice.” There’s something hidden in that sentence, an implication Taehyun can’t quite parse out.

Taehyun rubs the back of his neck, thinking through Beomgyu’s words carefully. “But,” he says slowly. “Most people wouldn’t like it, especially on a study date, right?”

He tries to consider how he’d feel in Beomgyu’s situation. Taehyun doesn’t like getting corrected all that much, but he dislikes being wrong even more than that. It’s a mixed bag, for sure.

Beomgyu shrugs, pensive. “Yes, maybe, but…” he trails off. “I don’t know. There’s a difference between being polite, and holding back.” He scrunches his nose, seemingly conflicted. “Dating is about being comfortable with another person, so just make sure you keep that balance.”

“Besides,” Beomgyu adds, raising his eyebrows, “I think it’s kind of attractive, you know. Having a smart guy explain stuff.”

“Right.” Taehyun can feel his cheeks burning up, and by the way Beomgyu’s smirking at him, he guesses it’s fairly obvious, too. He takes a breath, then continues: “Do you want me to show you…?”

“Of course.” Beomgyu still eyes him up in that way that makes him feel a little flustered, a little shy. Just another example of why Beomgyu’s best suited for teaching Taehyun about all of this in the first place.

Taehyun pushes those thoughts out of his mind, focusing on mathematics instead. As he explains that Beomgyu should convert the integral to polar form, he begins to feel more and more at ease, and that sense of comfort remains with him for the rest of the time they spend at the library.

They end up leaving the humanities building an hour later, after the third time Beomgyu’s stomach begins to rumble. The evening has truly begun to set in now, the sky a murky orange-grey that Taehyun associates with living in the city. The lights aren’t golden anymore.

“So,” Beomgyu says, his breath creating visible puffs of air. They’re waiting at a crosswalk, Taehyun’s eyes flitting between the orange stoplight and Beomgyu’s face. “What did you think of your first lesson?”

“It was good.” Taehyun looks down at the sidewalk, runs one of his feet back and forth idly over the sand-covered cement. “I learned a lot, actually.”

This part of winter has an ugly sort of cold, snow melting into greyish mud around him. It’s so different from the hot, dry weather he used to experience in high school; it reminds him that things can change. He looks over at Beomgyu, and whatever he’s feeling must be reflected on his face. Beomgyu keeps watching him, wary and still.

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu begins. He doesn’t say anything after that, for a couple of moments. They cross the street.

“Like when you said that dating is about being comfortable with another person,” Taehyun continues. He imagines the sand particles disintegrating into tiny pieces of dust underneath his sneakers. Just like him: dirty snowmelt, dissolving. He looks over at Beomgyu, whose face shines like ice in the night. “That’s exactly why I’m doing this. Because I didn’t feel comfortable, before.”

It feels good to tell Beomgyu this, a release of some sort. Taehyun’s never really gone into the details of his past—has never felt the need to—but this is like taking off his backpack after a day of lugging it around campus. A weight, unleashed.

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu repeats, gentle.

“Thank you,” Taehyun interrupts, not wanting to hear whatever’s behind those pleading eyes. It occurs to him that this might be one of the first times he’s thanked Beomgyu before. “I should get to the dining hall before dinner ends.” With that, he turns on his heel and jogs away.

“We’ll have to practice saying goodbye!” Beomgyu shouts after him, voice fading into the winter wind. “That was too abrupt!”

Taehyun smiles, despite himself. He’s running, sneakers against the sand- and salt-covered sidewalk, but somehow, he feels at rest.

—

**From: Beomgyu**  
do u have any plans tmrw?

 **To: Beomgyu**  
Not really  
Just psetting

 **From: Beomgyu**  
wanna hang out?  
ill teach u smthn ;o

 **To: Beomgyu**  
Okay

“You look happier than usual,” Jisung comments as they walk out of the lecture hall.

“That isn’t saying much.” Taehyun makes a face as he looks up from his phone, thinking about Beomgyu’s messages. His usual mood after a literature class ranges between bored and, well, _really_ bored. He doesn’t understand how people like Kai can genuinely enjoy the humanities, seriously.

“Still,” Jisung says. “Who’re you messaging?” He’s craning his neck to look over Taehyun’s shoulder, that overgrown brat. “Oh, Beomgyu.”

Taehyun bats at Jisung’s shoulder ineffectually, trying to get him to stop peering down at the phone screen.

Jisung tilts his head, thinking. “Did he _actually_ end up giving you advice for approaching the hottie in your real anal class?”

“Yeah.” Taehyun braces himself against the wind as they exit the building. He’s pretty sure Jisung’s bringing it up just to have an excuse to repeat the phrase _real anal_ in public.

“I’m still surprised,” Jisung says. They stop before a crosswalk, waiting for the light. A couple of moments later, he shrugs. “But then again, maybe not.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyun asks, turning his head to regard Jisung properly. His nose is red from the cold, but he refuses to wear anything heavier than a windbreaker.

Meanwhile, Taehyun’s shivering in his thick winter coat.

“It’s Beomgyu,” Jisung says simply. “He likes doing things for you.”

Something about that phrase— _he likes doing things for you_ —has Taehyun’s heart pulsing fast in his chest, like the aftermath of a sprint. He doesn’t reply as they cross, but by the time he’s reached the other side he’s formed a response. “I’ve honestly helped him more, though,” he points out. Taehyun isn’t sure what he’s arguing, honestly, but he still feels the urge to make a case for himself. “With classes, and stuff.”

“Yeah, obviously,” Jisung replies, sighing. He sounds a little impatient. “Don’t you think he wants to return the favor?”

“Whatever.” Taehyun nods in the direction of their favorite food-truck, the Vietnamese takeout that’s always available on Fridays. “Let’s grab some lunch.”

“You’re paying.” Jisung sidles up next to him as he enters the line. “I’m out of cash.”

As Taehyun waits to order, he quickly eases back into the usual routine of lining up for takeout with his best friend. He soon pushes thoughts of Jisung’s earlier comments out of his mind.

—

Taehyun had only given Jisung a vague story about how he knows Beomgyu in the first place. It was simple enough: the two of them had ended up in the same Comparative Media Studies class, some deceivingly difficult course on the digital uses of the written word. The professor had assigned partners for one of the projects, and Taehyun became fast friends with Beomgyu after that.

Here’s what Jisung doesn’t know, what Taehyun will never tell him:

That isn’t really how they met. Instead, it had been the first frat party Jisung had dragged him to. Taehyun remembers it well.

He loses Jisung within the first minute—he’s quickly flanked by jubilant, vaguely terrifying frat boys—and Kai ends up trapped between some upperclassmen girls who squeal over how cute he is. This, of course, leaves Taehyun here: sitting on one of the neighboring couches and debating whether to leave and/or drag Kai away with him. Normally he’s good at talking to others, a natural extrovert, but for some reason this party has set him on edge.

After a couple more seconds of watching Kai flirt, Taehyun can’t take it any longer. Everything just feels so stifling, overly bright, like being trapped within a technicolor film. He heads to the kitchen to see if he can find something to drink, wondering what makes this party so different from the ones he’d attend at the end of the track season.

“Hey, can you hand me the seltzer?” a guy asks, tapping on his shoulder. Taehyun turns around to pass the bottle over, eyes widening when he notices the obvious: he’s pretty as hell, his face framed by shimmering earrings and his lips glossy with something Taehyun can’t name. _That’s_ his first impression of Beomgyu Choi.

“Thanks.” He smirks a little, clearly aware of his own attractiveness. It does nothing to take away from how hot he is. He leans a little closer into Taehyun’s space and says, “what’s your name?”

Sure, this doesn’t sound terrible as far as first meetings go, but there’s something else, too:

“So, Taehyun,” Beomgyu says after a while, eyes bright. They’re still standing close to the counter, Beomgyu leaning into his side just a little. He bites down on his lower lip, then continues: “Do you wanna…?” He trails off, handing him a smile to top it off.

He can feel his heart beating faster, _faster_ as he tries to process Beomgyu’s words, the suggestion behind it. Taehyun supposes it must work on people, that type of teasing flirtation. It’s working on him, at the very least. He realizes, then, exactly what makes this party so much more difficult than the ones he’d been to back home.

Here, he has the freedom to say yes to whatever Beomgyu’s offering, to do anything he wants, really. No one here knows Jaehyun. No one here will care about what he does. It makes him reckless and afraid, a mess of conflicting feelings that are too hard to control.

“Hey, Beomgyu,” Taehyun begins, a little unsure of exactly what he’s going to say. He decides on the truth. “You’re really good at this.”

Beomgyu giggles, a little nervous-sounding. “Thanks?” Even high-pitched like that, it sounds cute. He places his hand on Taehyun’s shoulder. It would be reassuring if it didn’t make Taehyun’s hands shake with jittery nerves.

“You’re really good at this,” Taehyun repeats. “But I’m not.” With that, he shrugs Beomgyu’s hand off and walks away, looking out for Kai so that he can finally head home.

He hadn’t been ready then, for Beomgyu’s smile or any of the implications behind it.

So when Beomgyu showed up at the CMS lecture a few days later and sat beside him, Taehyun pretended as if nothing had happened. They became quick friends after that.

—

It’s routine for him and Kai to sleep in on Saturdays. Or, well, Taehyun sleeps in as much as he can—he’s an early riser by nature—then hits the gym, and showers, and by the time he returns to their dorm room Kai is _finally_ awake. What happens after is more of a toss-up, depending on Kai’s a capella rehearsals and Taehyun’s workload, but they usually end up in the engineering library a couple hours after lunch.

Taehyun prides himself on adding a little discipline to Kai’s life. He isn’t completely sure whether his roommate would’ve developed the proper time-management skills, otherwise. Kai is bright enough—scarily perceptive at times, honestly—but also gets distracted easily.

Case in point: when Taehyun begins to pack his things at 2:45 PM, exactly fifteen minutes before Taehyun’s supposed to meet Beomgyu at the lobby of the main building, Kai looks over and whispers, far too loudly, “Taehyun! Where are you going?”

“Practice,” Taehyun replies, voice quiet and eyes narrowed.

Kai’s eyes widen in understanding, and he nods quickly. “Have fun!” He adds in a wink for good measure, except it’s Kai, so it mostly looks like he’s blinking very badly.

“Thanks,” Taehyun mouths, already starting to walk away. He finishes zipping up his winter coat in the elevator and grimaces at his reflection on the opposite wall. He forgot his scarf at the dorms, and from what he could tell, Beomgyu was planning something outdoors-related. At least Taehyun had packed his gloves.

The main building is just a short walk from the engineering library, so he only spends a couple of moments in the frigid cold before entering the warm, aggressively-heated main lobby. Taehyun looks around the large, near-empty space for a couple of moments, trying to catch a glimpse of Beomgyu amongst the clusters of people who stand conversing by the walls.

It’s hard to notice them at first, but his heart stops in his chest once he spots it.

Beomgyu’s here, but the real issue is _who_ Beomgyu’s talking to. Tall, blue-haired, looking down at Beomgyu with a fond, dimpled smile—Taehyun would be able to recognize him anywhere.

It’s _him._ The Mysterious Upperclassman, the quote-unquote man of his dreams. Taehyun observes the two of them for a second, stomach twisting in envy. _Of course_ Beomgyu Choi knows him, Taehyun thinks with despair. Beomgyu’s a social butterfly, good at charming everyone he talks to.

Looking at the two of them, together, so clearly happy in each other’s presence, starts to make Taehyun feel a little bit uncomfortable—like he’s spying on them, or something. Instead of continuing to watch Beomgyu smile up at Mysterious Upperclassman, Taehyun walks towards the two of them.

Beomgyu’s the first to notice him. “Oh, Taehyun!” Beomgyu waves him over, still wearing that infectious smile. “This is Soobin. We were roommates freshman year. Soobin, this is Taehyun, he’s the one who helps me with my multi problem sets—”

Oh, _Soobin._ After days of referring to him without a name, it feels a little weird to find out who his Mysterious Upperclassman actually is. Soobin smiles at him, albeit a much milder version than he had while talking to Beomgyu.

“Hi, Taehyun,” Soobin greets. He tilts his head. “You look kind of familiar, actually. Are you sure we haven’t met before?”

Taehyun glances over at Beomgyu, who’s smiling between the two of them innocently, unknowing of exactly what he’s brought about.

“We _have_ met,” Taehyun says, rubbing the back of his neck. Making direct eye contact with Soobin is difficult, so he focuses on a fairly innocuous patch of skin on Soobin’s cheek instead. “Um, Real Analysis?” He pauses for emphasis, wondering if Beomgyu’s paying attention. “I lent you a pen?”

Beomgyu lets out a sound that’s somewhere in between a yelp and a cough. “Um, excuse me?” he says, voice weak, when Soobin and Taehyun both look his way. “It was just a sneeze.”

He gives Taehyun a glance, wide-eyed and panicked. It's enough for him to tell that Beomgyu has connected the dots.

“Oh, yeah,” Soobin looks a little sheepish. “I’m sorry, I forgot about that.” He pauses. “The pen you gave me was really nice, what was the brand again?”

“Muji,” Taehyun replies. “Just a twenty-minute walk across the bridge.” He nods his head towards the general direction, wondering if it would be too forward of him to offer to take Soobin there sometime.

“RIght, Muji,” Soobin nods, the name clearly sparking some recognition within him. He turns towards Beomgyu, who still looks slightly pale and distressed. “You know, I’m pretty sure Yeonjun—”

“We need to go,” Beomgyu interrupts, reaching over to grab at the arm of Taehyun’s jacket. “Sorry, Taehyun’s on a real tight schedule, you know how freshmen are.”

“Oh—okay,” Soobin replies. “See you, then.”

“See you,” Taehyun echoes, and those are the last words he leaves Soobin with before Beomgyu starts dragging him away again.

Taehyun frowns down at where Beomgyu’s fingers clutch at the material of his jacket. Beomgyu isn’t wearing gloves, his pale hand and silver rings standing out against the navy fabric.

Once they’re a suitable distance away from Soobin, just a couple steps from exiting the building, Taehyun shakes off Beomgyu’s grip. “Why’d you just pull me away like that?” he asks. “I was actually _talking_ to him, you know.”

Beomgyu drags one of his hands down his face, mussing up his bangs as a result. “You didn’t tell me _Soobin_ was your crush,” he mumbles, voice still partially muffled by his fingers.

“It’s not like I knew his name,” Taehyun replies, bracing himself once again as they step outside. He allows himself a full-body shiver, shoving his glove-covered hands deeper into his pockets. “Wait. What’s so wrong about liking Soobin?”

Beomgyu sighs, still seemingly conflicted. “Nothing’s _wrong,_ it—it just makes things more complicated.” Taehyun’s about to ask him _why,_ but before he can, Beomgyu turns to him with an amused smile. “So. Soobin, huh?”

Taehyun narrows his eyes but lets Beomgyu’s attempt at a diversion slide.

“What, you’ve seen him yourself,” Taehyun protests. “His _smile._ You know?”

“Believe me, I know,” Beomgyu laughs, but it sounds a little bitter. “I’m pretty sure it’s a rite of passage to get a crush on him at this point.”

“Have you?” Taehyun asks. He recalls the way Beomgyu had looked up at Soobin in the main lobby, eyes bright and hands animated while they talked to each other, and can’t help but feel a twinge of envy.

“No, but.” Beomgyu stops in his tracks, counting off names on his fingers: “Jeno, Donghyuck, hell, even Renjun admitted he was cute during truth or dare once.”

“Woah,” Taehyun replies. He doesn’t question the relief he feels. “That’s not surprising at all.”

“I guess.” Beomgyu frowns lightly, a far-away look on his face. He starts walking again, his pace faster than before.

Taehyun waits a couple moments for Beomgyu to say something more, then clears his throat when Beomgyu stays silent. It never really sits right with him when Beomgyu looks so vaguely despondent. And, well, he’s also curious about a couple of things.

“Tell me more about Soobin,” Taehyun asks, catching up to Beomgyu’s side. Their arms brush together momentarily. “What’s his major? He’s in your grade, right? What does he do for fun?”

“Taehyun, seriously?” Beomgyu rolls his eyes, and he’s smiling again. “Philosophy, but I think he’s minoring in math, he’s a sophomore, and he just sleeps and plays video games in his free time, mostly,” he adds, all in one breath. “That good enough for you?”

Taehyun is intrigued. “Does he have a favorite—”

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu interrupts, stopping once more. He places one hand on Taehyun’s shoulder, the weight of it solid and steady. “You should be asking _him_ these questions, not me. That’s the whole point of this, right? Getting to know someone gradually?”

“Right,” Taehyun says, then mumbles under his breath: “I could’ve asked him something if you hadn’t dragged me away.”

Beomgyu flicks his forehead, hard.

“What was _that_ for?” Taehyun yelps, instinctively reaching out to return the favor. It’s not nearly as startling with his gloves softening the impact, but Beomgyu still scowls at him momentarily, so Taehyun still counts it as payback.

Beomgyu grins at him, his smile glinting in the sunlight. “Just because,” he says, flippant, as if taking out his aggression on Taehyun’s forehead had dissipated his previous concerns. Taehyun narrows his eyes at him once again but decides to let it go for now.

They’ve started crossing the bridge that connects their campus to the rest of the city. “Where are we going?” Taehyun asks.

“You’ll see in a couple minutes,” Beomgyu replies. They don’t talk much after that. Out on the bridge, there aren’t any buildings to block wind exposure, and Taehyun alternates between tugging the collar of his coat up to cover his throat and sticking his hands further into his pockets.

In contrast, Beomgyu seems at ease, the wind blowing his hair around gracefully. At least he has a scarf, Taehyun thinks, looking enviously at the soft blue woolen thing around Beomgyu’s neck. Beomgyu’s much more used to this cold weather, a side effect of living next to the city for almost his whole life, Taehyun guesses. Meanwhile, he’d grown up with nothing but heat and sunshine halfway across the country.

Beomgyu leads him to the esplanade on the other side of the river, walking down a ramp from the bridge to reach the sidewalk by the riverbanks. In the winter, it should be a bleak sight, but the way the golden afternoon sun meets the snow-covered land and icy river surface is beautiful.

“Have you been here before?” Beomgyu asks, turning to check on him.

“Yeah, at the start of last semester, I think,” Taehyun replies, taking a look around.

On a Saturday afternoon like this, the esplanade is filled with families and happy couples, even a lone jogger braving it out against the wind. It makes for an idyllic sight, a peaceful picture that Taehyun’s bitter, cold-hating self usually doesn’t associate with winter.

They walk slowly down the sidewalk, the wind less biting when they’re surrounded by trees on both sides.

“It’s really nice when it gets warmer,” Beomgyu says, his eyes bright as he glances around. “There are ducks and stuff.”

Every part of him glows, when they’re outside in the sun like this. Unbidden, Taehyun wishes he could see it more often, too used viewing Beomgyu washed out by artificial blue-white lights, still pretty but somehow less, compared to _this._

Taehyun averts his eyes, stopping by a pool of black ice and running the sole of his sneaker over it. It’s smooth and even underneath his foot.

“No offense, but I really don’t see the appeal right now,” he replies, too distracted to bother suppressing his shivers anymore. “It’s so _cold._ ” The last part comes out as a whine, almost, but Taehyun can’t bring himself to feel embarrassed. Beomgyu’s about a hundred times more shameless than him, at any rate.

Beomgyu visibly startles, realization dawning in his eyes.

“Oh, I forgot,” Beomgyu says gently. He reaches around his neck, beginning to unwind his scarf. “You’re really sensitive to the cold, huh?” He uses his other hand to tug Taehyun to the edge of the sidewalk, to prevent blocking the other pedestrians, then beckons Taehyun closer.

“This should help,” Beomgyu continues, voice low and intimate as he begins to wrap the scarf around Taehyun’s neck. He takes his time while doing so, fingers slow and careful.

“Uh.” Taehyun blinks at him. This close, he can view Beomgyu’s individual eyelashes, the gentle way they flutter as Beomgyu blinks down at him.

“Aren’t—aren’t you cold, though?” Taehyun manages to get out, a weak protest. Beomgyu steps away, looking pleased with himself.

“It’s okay, being around you keeps me warm.” Beomgyu winks at him, but, like Kai, he’s absolutely terrible at it and just ends up making himself laugh again.

Taehyun groans. “That’s so cheesy!” He knows normally he’d have some cutting remark, an easy response to Beomgyu’s flirtatiousness, but instead he just hides his smile by burrowing his nose into the scarf. It smells comforting, even if Taehyun knows, rationally, that it’s just Beomgyu. The residual warmth left over from him wearing it doesn’t hurt, either.

“But it made your heart flutter for a second, didn’t it?” Beomgyu blinks at him, still smiling with self-satisfaction. He points at Taehyun, finger pushing into his chest. “Don’t deny it.”

Taehyun shakes his head, automatically stepping away to avoid the point of contact. “You’re seriously so…”

Beomgyu hums to himself and begins to look around the esplanade again.

“What do you think of holding hands?” Beomgyu asks a couple moments later. He turns to Taehyun, eyes wide and innocent.

Taehyun, unfortunately, cannot mirror that expression. He schools his features into something stoic, mind racing—holding hands, Beomgyu’s pale, slender fingers—

“Like, if you were here with Soobin?” Beomgyu laughs, a little more high-pitched than normal. This time he brings up the back of his hand to muffle the sound, palm lines facing Taehyun.

 _Soobin._ Of course, Soobin. Shiny blue hair, gentle smile, the apple of everyone’s eye. Hearing his name brings Taehyun back to the reality of the situation.

Again: Beomgyu’s really good at wooing people. Taehyun isn’t sure whether to be reassured or annoyed by Beomgyu’s tactics working on him.

“Taehyun?” Beomgyu prompts.

Taehyun snaps out of it, eyes taking in the surroundings. “Here? Right now?” He watches as a family walks by them, two parents and their little son. Even with Beomgyu’s scarf wrapped around his neck, he still feels more exposed than he did while crossing the bridge.

“Hand-holding is too much?” Beomgyu’s got this concerned look on his face, again, and it reminds Taehyun of the way Beomgyu had looked at him while they had been walking out of the library a couple days ago. Like he was the icy surface of a river, fragile and cracking under this foreign situation. Like he had the potential to shatter.

“A bit.” Taehyun swallows. He still remembers an age when he’d sneak longing glances if he saw boys holding hands on the street, envious and secretive, desperately wishing for something he thought he could never have. “There’s just so many people.”

“No one cares, here,” Beomgyu reminds him. “It’s not like—”

“I know,” Taehyun interrupts. _It’s not like being back home,_ he knows Beomgyu had meant to say. “I mean, that’s part of why I wanted to attend college here.”

Beomgyu doesn’t know much about his life outside of college, but he’s always been good at guessing, reading into Taehyun’s hesitations. Beomgyu can understand wordlessly, easily. And this, too, is the same.

“It’s fine, you know,” Beomgyu shuffles closer, and Taehyun can feel the body heat radiating off of him. “Hand-holding or not, just go at your own pace.”

 _Dating is about being comfortable,_ Beomgyu had told him last time. Despite the cold weather, despite being out in the open like this, Taehyun still feels at ease beside Beomgyu. He still needs to learn how to create that comfort for himself.

Beomgyu eyes him, clearly still treading carefully.

Taehyun figures it’s his turn to put in some effort. He vaguely recalls ambling around here with Jisung last autumn, and he tries to put those memories to use.

The sky has melted into violent shades of orange and indigo, messy and beautiful. “There’s a cool sculpture further down the path, I think,” Taehyun says. He nods in the direction of the setting sun, along the sidewalk where they’ve stopped. “Let’s check it out.”

He begins walking away; Beomgyu soon follows.


	2. PART TWO

Monday night, all things considered, is Taehyun’s favorite part of the week. Sure, the weekends are fun—even when Jisung manages to drag him to a frat party, and _especially_ when Kai invites him to an a cappella concert—but Monday nights are when the astronomy club has the campus observatory reserved for a scant hour of watching the stars.

It’s one of the few things Taehyun misses about being back home: observing the night sky clearly, looking up at constellations and actually recognizing them with his naked eyes. In the city, the sky remains forever murky with pollution, tinged with an artificial orange-grey hue long past sunset.

Still, the powerful telescopes at the observatory manage to compensate for the lacking visibility. The stars shine faint and beautiful, a scattered mess that Taehyun can automatically categorize into different shapes. Not just the simple ones he could name as a child—big dipper, little dipper—but also more complex constellations, each with their own name and story.

A month into freshman year, when Kai still thought Taehyun would audition for a cappella groups with him, he had asked Taehyun why, exactly, he had chosen the astronomy club as his preferred extracurricular. Taehyun had understood his intent, at the time. Most students pledged to a fraternity or sorority around this time, or had some other team or group to form a semblance of community. Meanwhile, Taehyun joined recreational Ultimate Frisbee and astronomy club, where the level of tight-knit closeness had no chance at matching Jisung’s attachment to his frat or Kai’s friendships within his a cappella group.

At the time, the sheer relief of finding a space like the campus observatory had overpowered any other social insecurity. Taehyun’s always been good at talking to people, making friends—it’s just the getting past the “friendly” stage that still seems like a mystery to him—and he still doesn’t regret the decision now. After all, he’s made one of his closest friends through this club.

“Taehyun, come check this out,” Yujin calls him over from the neighboring telescope, almost as if she had read Taehyun’s mind. She gestures for him to take a look, watching on eagerly as he bends down to glance through the lens of the telescope. “Isn’t it so cool?”

Just before Taehyun’s vision focuses, however, his phone buzzes with a new notification. “Oh, wait a sec.” He steps away to check his messages.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
which one is better?  
[attachment]

Taehyun opens up the attachment to find a selfie of Beomgyu holding two ties up to his face, both in egregious colors—one’s salmon pink, the other neon yellow. He rolls his eyes at the screen. This, at least, is familiar territory.

“You’re smiling,” Yujin observes, as straightforward as usual. “Hm, let me guess. Soobin?”

Taehyun zooms in on the photo with two fingers to observe the tie colors. Beomgyu has his earrings in, he realizes faintly. “No.”

“ _Oh._ ” Suddenly, Yujin sounds more interested. “So it must be Beomgyu, then.”

Taehyun elects to ignore her in favor of typing out a reply:

 **to: Beomgyu**  
Theyre equally ugly

“So I’m right,” Yujin deduces, not incorrectly. She doesn’t pursue the topic further, thankfully—Yujin’s far too astute when it comes to these things, and Taehyun doesn’t want to her to draw conclusions where there’s nothing to really be concluding about—but Taehyun can still feel Yujin’s eyes on the side of his face, watching his reactions intently.

Which is why Taehyun’s trying his hardest to maintain a stoic expression as he reads through Beomgyu’s response.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
[attachment]  
still ugly? *_^

Beomgyu’s wearing a white button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up his forearms, in the next photo he sends. He’s chosen the salmon-colored tie. Taehyun can’t help but scoff at his screen—of course Beomgyu knows he isn’t ugly, is the exact opposite—and he decides to ignore the message instead of replying to it immediately. He puts his phone back into his pocket and places it in silent mode.

Yujin looks at him like she _knows_ something that he doesn’t—which is normally true on a day to day basis, but usually she doesn’t seem so eager about it.

“Shut up,” Taehyun says preemptively.

“I didn’t say anything,” she defends, putting her palms up as if to underscore her innocence. Yeah, right.

“You were going to,” he replies, rolling his eyes and turning back to the telescope.

Behind him, he hears Yujin mumble something under her breath about Taehyun being insufferable. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before already. Then, louder, she says, “You’re going to go to the Theta formal with me, right?”

Taehyun glances up from the telescope, turning around to face her. “There’s _another_ formal?” He frowns.

Last semester, Yujin had dragged him to her sorority formal on the basis of having no other male friends and with the promise of free food. Sure, the food had been decent, but Taehyun had been bored out of his mind while Yujin spent most of the time flirting with another member of her sorority.

“ _Yes,_ there’s another formal,” Yujin replies, seemingly exasperated. “We have one every semester.”

Taehyun hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Please?” Yujin adds on. Her pout isn’t nearly as convincing as Beomgyu’s, for some reason.

Taehyun shrugs, still a little skeptical. “I don’t get it,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you rather ask someone who can match your height even when you’re wearing heels?”

Yujin flushes. They both know exactly which girl Taehyun’s referring to.

“I’m just trying to help you out,” Yujin continues, valiantly pretending as if Taehyun hadn’t said anything. “Both of your favorite boys will be there.”

Taehyun doesn’t want to read into what Yujin means by _both,_ just focuses on the main message instead. “Soobin’s going to be there?” he asks. Soobin didn’t seem like the type to enjoy such things; then again, it’s not like Taehyun’s the biggest fan of formals either.

“Beomgyu, too,” Yujin says, far too satisfied for Taehyun’s liking.

Right. Beomgyu doesn’t belong to any of the fraternities on campus, but for someone who claims no involvement with greek life, he shows up to almost every sorority formal as some girl’s date.

“Well, that’s just expected.” Taehyun shrugs, making up his mind. At the very least it’ll give him some photos to tide his family over for a while, even if Jaehyun will probably make fun of how short he appears beside Yujin once again. “Fine, I’ll go with you, alright?”

On his way back to the dorms, Taehyun checks his phone again, remembering that he had forgotten to reply to Beomgyu’s message. He opens up their conversation again—that photo of Beomgyu, smirking at the camera, well aware of his own attractiveness—and stares at Beomgyu’s _still ugly? *_^_ for a second.

Normally, Taehyun wouldn’t bother entertaining Beomgyu, would simply respond with some terse answer—he already has _Yes, still ugly_ typed out—in order to make them both laugh. As he walks outside, though, he remembers the way Beomgyu had wrapped the scarf around his neck so gently, the teasing words he had said right after.

Taehyun erases his initial message and sends a different text instead:

 **to: Beomgyu**  
No, you look handsome

Taehyun watches as Beomgyu begins to type a response, but even after waiting for a minute or two, Beomgyu hasn’t sent a message in reply.

 **to: Beomgyu**  
That made your heart flutter, didnt it

He isn’t quite as keen on emoticons as Beomgyu, but he follows that text up with a _;)_ for good measure.

Beomgyu’s response is almost immediate.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
TT___TT ur learning so quickly!!  
ull sweep soobinnie off of his feet in no time ^^

Taehyun smiles to himself as he enters his dorm and counts it as a success, even if the way Beomgyu wrote out _soobinnie_ so affectionately stirs something strange in his chest.

—

Taehyun’s much more prepared to encounter Soobin the next time he shows up to the Real Analysis lecture on Tuesday morning. After all, he has the good luck text that Beomgyu sent him warm in his pocket, and he’s already _talked_ to Soobin before, anyways, so he’s practically unstoppable.

Sure enough, when Taehyun walks down the aisles of seats, Soobin waves him over to where he’s sitting a couple of rows over.

“Hey, Taehyun,” Soobin greets, eyes crinkling in that familiar smile.

“Hi,” Taehyun replies. He focuses on settling himself into the seat and getting out his notebook and pen, afraid that if he stares at Soobin’s smile for too long he’ll do something really dumb.

Once he’s situated, he turns back to Soobin, who’s frowning down at what seems to be some of last week’s lecture notes. When Soobin notices him glancing over, he flashes Taehyun a sheepish smile.

“I’m like, not totally sure about this class,” Soobin says. He bites down on his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth, and Taehyun has to tear his eyes away from the sight.

Taehyun remembers Beomgyu’s words from the library date: _I think it’s kind of attractive, you know. Having a smart guy explain stuff._ He hopes he looks appropriately approachable and gentle as he nods towards Soobin’s notes. “What part didn’t make sense?” he asks, leaning in a bit closer to peer at the papers.

Soobin smells really nice, Taehyun thinks. It doesn’t make his heart flutter, but it’s welcoming nonetheless.

It’s a lot more comfortable to talk to Soobin when he has the shield of explaining mathematical concepts protecting him, and that’s how they spend the next couple of minutes before the lecture starts.

And, okay, Taehyun thinks the lecture isn’t particularly instructive—the professors here aren’t exactly hired for their teaching skills, it’s the groundbreaking research work that’s more important, and he had seen himself on ratemyprofessors that this man didn’t get any good reviews for being interesting. Regardless, Soobin still pays rapt attention, taking thorough and messy notes.

Taehyun, well, he alternates between jotting things down and glancing over at Soobin’s profile, the gentle slope of his perfect nose and his long eyelashes. When Soobin catches him watching, he interprets it as Taehyun wondering why he’s so immersed in the class and smiles, dimpled, whispering something about needing to take notes to avoid falling asleep.

It’s a pleasant experience overall, and one that Taehyun would definitely count as a success compared to last week’s trainwreck. After the lecture ends, he turns to Soobin, hoping to bring up an offer for them to work on problem sets together. Soobin has already started packing his stuff up, clearly in a rush.

“Would you like—” Taehyun starts.

“Hey, Taehyun,” Soobin interrupts, standing up and zipping his backpack closed. He’s looking somewhere over Taehyun’s shoulder, far behind him to where the exit lies. “I really have to go, but we should pset together sometime, I’ll add you on Messenger—”

With that, Soobin walks away, his long legs taking him far away quite quickly. Taehyun blinks after him, watching as Soobin strides up to some guy with pink hair—someone from Jisung’s dance team, definitely—who’s waiting for him at the exit to the lecture hall. The two of them walk away together, their hair colors oddly complimentary from a distance.

Taehyun doesn’t even feel that jealous or shocked or anything, although it would be nice to get a couple more inches on his height so he can see eye to eye with Soobin the way the pink-haired guy does. If anything, it just makes him realize how little he knows about Soobin Choi outside of the meagre facts Beomgyu had offered him.

—

The next morning, his parents’ birthday present arrives at the dorm. It’s a couple days early—his birthday’s coming up this Friday—but getting shipping times completely accurate is difficult, anyway. Taehyun doesn’t know what to expect from the small package, but he doesn’t hope for much, knowing them.

His phone vibrates with a new notification, so he puts the present aside to open it up later.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
grab lunch with me tday  
2 for 1 at troth

Taehyun doesn’t have to think to reply; both of them love going to the campus thin-crust pizza spot, and they’ve gone there a couple of times during the fall semester, too.

 **to: Beomgyu**  
Sure

He hesitates before sending the next message.

 **to: Beomgyu**  
Is it a practice date?

Just like on Monday night, Beomgyu types for a while without sending an actual response.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
do u want it to be?

Taehyun stares down at Beomgyu’s text, vaguely dismayed. How the hell is he supposed to respond to that? Of course he likes hanging out with Beomgyu as friends—Taehyun wouldn’t say that Beomgyu’s his best friend, but Beomgyu comes close if he rules out Jisung and Kai—but his last encounter with Soobin hadn’t gone exactly as planned. There’s also a tiny part of him that just enjoys having Beomgyu talk to him about dating, teaching him intimacy slowly yet surely.

Taehyun deliberately doesn’t think about the implications of that, and just goes with his gut instincts.

 **to: Beomgyu**  
Sure

—

Beomgyu meets him outside of the engineering library—the place Taehyun enjoys studying because it _isn’t_ so far off of the main campus, thank you very much—and they begin to walk to the pizza place. It isn’t a long walk, just five minutes down the street, but Taehyun still bites back a wince as they walk face first into the harsh wind.

“Still cold?” Beomgyu asks, a little teasing. Taehyun looks over. Beomgyu doesn’t seem to be affected by the cold, still smiling happily, even if his nose is tinted red and his cheeks are flushed.

Taehyun scowls at him. “You look like Rudolph,” he replies, because it isn’t _fair_ that Beomgyu can flex his New England-borne ultra-cold resistance on him.

Beomgyu laughs at that, holding up the back of his hand to hide his mouth. “You’re wearing my scarf _and_ a pair of gloves,” he points out. “What’s next? A hat? Earmuffs?”

Taehyun blinks down at himself. “Oh right, the scarf.” He had worn it out this morning, planning to give it back to Beomgyu since he hadn’t had the chance to last time. It’s lost the traces of Beomgyu’s familiar scent, but it’s still soft and warm around his neck. Taehyun begins to unwind it. “Here, you can have—”

“Keep it,” Beomgyu interrupts, placing a hand on Taehyun’s upper arm. “You’re the one who actually needs it.”

“The color suits you better anyway,” Beomgyu adds before Taehyun can formulate a proper response. He smiles at Taehyun mischievously. “Matching with Soobin, huh?”

Right. Soobin’s beautiful bright blue hair, although it had seemed a little more grey the last time Taehyun had spotted him.

Taehyun’s saved from responding, thankfully, for they arrive in front of Troth Pizza right as Beomgyu says that. He reaches for the door and lets Beomgyu in first, hoping the blush he’s feeling inside isn’t visible on his face.

He follows Beomgyu inside, his eyes immediately catching on two people standing at the front of the line at the register. It’s Soobin and his pink-haired friend from yesterday, and Taehyun’s in the middle of figuring out whether he should try to wave at them when Beomgyu turns on his heel.

“Nevermind,” Beomgyu announces, grabbing Taehyun’s arm and tugging Taehyun through the door again. “Change of plans.”

“Change of plans?” Taehyun asks incredulously, eyeing the door longingly. They had just been about to step inside a _warm place_ with _thin crust pizza._ And Soobin had been inside, too, a perfect amalgamation of all the things he thought he wanted. “But Soobin’s literally inside.”

“But so is _Yeonjun,_ ” Beomgyu says. He presses his lips together, clearly displeased.

So _that’s_ who the pink-haired guy is. Taehyun frowns. “What’s the deal with Yeonjun? He’s just Soobin’s friend, right?”

Beomgyu sighs, eyes darting between Taehyun’s face and the door behind him. “Come on, I’ll tell you once we’re eating.” He shakes his head at himself. “Let’s go for some drypot instead?”

“Sure,” Taehyun agrees.

Beomgyu loosens his grip on Taehyun’s arm, sliding his fingers down to give Taehyun’s hand a squeeze. “Thanks,” Beomgyu tells him, letting go so quickly that Taehyun wonders if he had imagined the touch.

It’s only once they’re seated in front of their food, rice carefully allocated and chopsticks snapped and ready to use, that Taehyun reminds him.

“Do you have a problem with Yeonjun, or something?” Taehyun asks. He reaches for some tofu skin and takes a bite.

By the look on Beomgyu’s face, it’s clear that he was hoping Taehyun would forget about it. Taehyun watches as Beomgyu takes a long sip of water, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows it all down.

Beomgyu shuts his eyes for a couple of moments, and when he opens them, he seems a lot more certain. “I dated Yeonjun,” he says.

Taehyun raises his eyebrows. “You’ve dated a lot of people,” he points out. He still remembers talking to Kai after that first party: _Oh, Beomgyu Choi? He’s really charming, right?_

“Yeah, exactly.” Beomgyu shrugs, looking away from Taehyun. “It’s kinda awkward after, you know?”

“I guess,” Taehyun replies, a little doubtful. Still: not for the first time, he’s thankful that he said no to Beomgyu that day, that he’s Beomgyu’s _friend_ instead of someone Beomgyu would forget about after a week.

“Anyways,” Beomgyu says, smiling deviously in a way that makes Taehyun realize he won’t like what’s to come, “if this is a lunch date, then shouldn’t I try feeding you?”

“Please don’t.” Taehyun’s eyes widen as Beomgyu picks up a scallop and gestures as if to try and place it in his mouth. He starts to deliberately scoot away from the table; Beomgyu rolls his eyes and places it on Taehyun’s plate instead.

“You don’t actually do that, right?” Taehyun asks, a little horrified. The last time someone tried to feed him had been his birthday last year, when his brother had jokingly shoved a piece of cake in his mouth and gratuitously smeared frosting all over his lips. “Not in public, at least?”

Beomgyu shrugs, then places another piece of tofu skin on Taehyun’s plate. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he replies, winking at Taehyun blatantly.

The rest of the lunch proceeds like that, Beomgyu alternating between teaching Taehyun to be an incorrigible flirt— _I would never say anything like this, Beomgyu,_ is what Taehyun tells him—and actually being an incorrigible flirt himself. It feels good, it feels right.

—

A couple days later, Taehyun walks out of the lecture hall of his Literature class, Jisung by his side, to find Jaemin and Beomgyu waiting for them with identical grins on their faces. It’s a little scary, honestly, that the two know each other, let alone share an apartment together.

“What,” Jisung says, monotone. His face is already pulled into a bit of a scowl, as if already anticipating something terrible from Jaemin. Knowing Jaemin Na, Taehyun thinks it’s a sensible move.

“You know what,” Jaemin replies, rubbing his palms together. He raises his eyebrows. “It’s a special day today, Jisung.”

“Is it really that special,” Jisung says, rolling his eyes, “if I’m sharing it with this guy?” He elbows Taehyun in the side, and Taehyun easily returns the jab.

Jaemin looks like he has a couple of choice words to say in response to that, but Beomgyu jumps in before he can.

“I have to go take Taehyun for now,” Beomgyu says. Take him _where,_ is what Taehyun’s still wondering, but Beomgyu had been frustratingly cryptic over text. “but everything’s settled for tonight, right?”

“Of course,” Jaemin replies, throwing his arm around Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung makes a face as Jaemin does so, but he doesn’t shrug off the touch; that might as well be a declaration of love in Jisung’s book.

“What’s happening tonight?” Taehyun asks, as soon as Beomgyu has shepherded him out onto the street. They’re waiting at the bus stop, ready to take the One line all the way to… well, Taehyun has his guesses, but Beomgyu hasn’t revealed anything so far.

Beomgyu pretends to think for a second, head tilting to the side. “Hm, should I spoil it?”

“Come on,” Taehyun urges. He leans in a little closer. “Is that Chenle guy going to fly in again? Is that the surprise?”

“Well, that’s a part of it,” Beomgyu admits. “Was it that obvious?”

Taehyun shrugs. “Jisung had been complaining about how they’ve been fighting recently, so, maybe not.”

He pauses, then adds, “what about me?”

“What _about_ you?” Beomgyu returns, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Nevermind,” Taehyun says, a little quieter. He’s already gotten all the birthday wishes he could want—Jisung wished him this morning—and even some he didn’t want—a half-assed greeting from Jaehyun. Even Soobin left him a little _happy birthday_ message on Facebook.

“Don’t look so serious,” Beomgyu teases, poking Taehyun’s cheek. “I’m literally taking you to buy a birthday present right now.”

“Oh,” Taehyun says weakly, barely bothering to duck away from Beomgyu’s touch. He had guessed as much, but it’s a lot different to have that confirmation staring right back at him so fondly. “Thanks—you don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Beomgyu says simply, as the bus pulls up in front of them. “Just let people be kind, okay?”

Once they’re sitting down on the bus together, Taehyun looking out the window and Beomgyu right next to him, Beomgyu turns to him and asks, “Did your parents do anything?”

“Yeah, we called this morning,” Taehyun replies. A five-minute conversation that had ended quickly. They’re crossing the river right now, and the icy surface glints prettily in the late afternoon sun, golden and blue. “They got me airpods.”

“Right,” Beomgyu says. When Taehyun turns back to face him, he’s got a thoughtful look on his face. “You didn’t want them before for some reason, right?” Beomgyu always finds it fun—don’t ask Taehyun why, he doesn’t know—to help untangle his earbuds when they study together at the library.

“I still don’t want them,” Taehyun admits, feeling a little selfish. “They don’t work with my laptop, but it’s—it’s a nice gift, I guess.” He tried them out earlier when he went to the gym and didn’t mind it, but at the same time it’s just a reminder of his parents indifference to the little things. They had probably asked his brother _what the kids are into these days_ and Jaehyun supplied them with this.

“It’s all about the details, though.” Beomgyu leans into Taehyun’s side, pressing their shoulders together.

“Yeah, of course.” Taehyun closes his eyes for a moment, leaning back into the warmth of Beomgyu’s touch. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going at some point?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t guessed by now,” Beomgyu replies. Taehyun feels Beomgyu’s head rest on his shoulder, but he soon lifts it off after a couple of moments. “I only ever take this bus for one reason, you know.”

Taehyun briefly wishes Beomgyu had his head on his shoulder again, then shakes away the thought.

“Oh, of course,” Taehyun says, realizing quickly. He can’t believe _Beomgyu’s_ turning him dumb. “Newbury.”

It isn’t long before Beomgyu ushers them off the bus and out onto the street. It’s a Friday afternoon, so of course it’s pretty crowded when they round the corner to enter Newbury proper.

“We had to come here,” Beomgyu says, leading him past the Muji store—Taehyun makes a mental note to try and stop there on the way back, if there’s time—and into Uniqlo. “I can’t believe you don’t have anything from here, seriously?”

“How would you know?” Taehyun asks dubiously, eyeing up the racks of plain jackets and shirts. Everything is neutral, free of any distinguishing features.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “Believe me, I’d know.” He starts to head up the stairs to the second floor, and Taehyun follows suit.

“Gay pride, amiright,” Beomgyu mutters underneath his breath. The stairs light up and shine, rainbow-colored.

“Guess what’s coming up next week?” Beomgyu calls out behind him. Taehyun turns around. He’s surveying the racks of jackets with a keen eye, and finally takes a black coat out, stepping closer and holding it up to Taehyun’s torso.

“Hint, it has to do with Soobin,” Beomgyu adds, biting on his lower lip as he decides against that type of coat and returns back to rifling through the racks.

“Is it his birthday?” Taehyun asks.

“No…” Beomgyu walks over to another rack of clothes, this one hung up on the wall, and then reaches for the coats that were placed there. “Come on," he says, looking back at Taehyun. "I thought I’ve taught you well.”

Taehyun considers his words for a moment. “So it's Valentine's Day,” he surmises. Truth be told, he isn't sure whether he'd associate February 14th with Soobin. First of all, it's his brother's birthday—not that Beomgyu would know about that—and secondly, well, isn't it a bit too soon for him to think of Soobin as his _valentine_? He's barely talked to the guy.

“Yeah, and we’re going to be doing the serenades as usual," Beomgyu continues. He steps back towards Taehyun, then gestures for him to try on the coat. “Like, we sing and deliver valentines. Wanna send one to Soobin?"

“Um,” Taehyun says, in the process of removing his own winter jacket and trying on the new one. Sending a valentine to Soobin seems kind of sophomoric, honestly.

He's pretty sure he can feel one of the sales assistants glaring at him for not using a dressing room.

“You can write a message, and it’ll be anonymous, too,” Beomgyu says as he helps Taehyun zip up the coat. He doesn’t make eye contact with Taehyun despite how close they stand next to each other. Taehyun watches the curve of his eyelashes for a second, feeling oddly discomfited. "Do you think the jacket fits well?"

Taehyun swallows a couple of times before speaking. "Yes," he says.

“I’ll give you my discount code, alright?” Beomgyu adds on, unzipping the jacket just as quickly. He's smiling again. "Quick, you gotta take this off before the sales assistant sees."

Beomgyu also chooses a furry looking hat that makes Taehyun look like he's in seventh grade. _It's cute,_ Beomgyu insists, when Taehyun protests, and he leaves it be.

"Here," Beomgyu says, handing Taehyun the bag of clothes once he's finished checking out. Beomgyu had ordered him to stay away from the cash register, lest he actually see how much anything costs. Taehyun would've pointed out that he can see the price tags regardless on the items of clothing, but, well, he figures it's the principle of the thing that matters more anyways.

"Thanks," Taehyun replies, as they step out into the street. It's dark now, and the shops all glow bright and warm against the murky, cold night.

"It should be time to go back," Beomgyu says, checking his phone. He winces as he scrolls through his unread notifications. "Oh shit, yeah, we should hurry."

They barely catch the One bus back, running to meet it before it leaves the stop, and it's only a couple more minutes before Beomgyu's gesturing for him to get off.

"This isn't where we got on," Taehyun half-protests as he follows Beomgyu out of the bus. "Where are we—"

"My apartment," Beomgyu replies, turning back to face Taehyun. The street where they've gotten off is decidedly much quieter than where they had been shopping before, almost empty, but Beomgyu's face shines just as bright. The orange streetlights here carve his face in an entirely new way, strange yet difficult to look away from.

Taehyun stares at him for a second. There's something weird about the way that Beomgyu's looking at him, almost wistful, and it makes Taehyun feel like he's walking on the docks by the riverbanks instead of on solid ground.

"You know, I never said this properly," Beomgyu says. He takes a breath, stepping closer. "Happy birthday, Taehyun."

Then he's reaching out, arms thrown over his shoulders, and pulling Taehyun into a hug. Beomgyu's hugged him before—he must have, it's not like Taehyun doesn't ever experience hugs, or anything, right?—but it's nothing like this. Warm, and soft, and all-encompassing in a way that almost hurts, honestly.

Taehyun scrambles to return the hug. He drops the Uniqlo bag to the ground gently and loops his arms around Beomgyu's waist, pulling him in closer. It’s quiet, for a couple of moments.

Beomgyu's the first to break away, laughing a little sheepishly as he does so. "Sorry, that was kind of out of nowhere, huh?" he says.

"Yeah, a little," Taehyun laughs too, but inside he's kind of losing it. Is this how Beomgyu normally hugs people? Is it possible for a hug to really be that good?

"I just thought it would be good timing, or something," Beomgyu adds, turning away so Taehyun can’t see his facial expression anymore. "Come on, let's go inside."

They remain silent while walking up the four flights of stairs to Beomgyu's apartment. He shares the place with Jaemin and Donghyuck—Jaemin, who’s a part of Jisung’s frat, and Donghyuck, who sings in the same a cappella group as Beomgyu.

They can hear the faint chattering and sounds of laughter from outside the door. Beomgyu unlocks it, and they step inside.

"You're late!" Jaemin calls, once he's realized they've entered the apartment. He's sitting on one of the couches, sandwiched between Jisung and Hyunjin. "Beomgyu, did you get too _distracted_ while you were out with our lovely Taehyun?"

"Suck my dick, Jaemin," Beomgyu replies, rolling his eyes as he takes his Air Force 1s off.

"Anytime," Jaemin replies, smirking at _Taehyun_ for some ungodly reason. Again: there's a reason why Taehyun has never gone to Beomgyu's apartment. He isn't sure how Jisung deals with the people from his frat, to be honest.

Taehyun avoids Jaemin's eye-to-lip contact by scanning around the room instead. It's mostly Jisung and Taehyun's extended friends' circle—he spots Jaeyun on another couch, chatting with Yujin, and Renjun's mixing some scary-looking concoction at the kitchen countertop with Donghyuck watching. He frowns. Still, where's—

"Taehyun!" Kai nearly knocks him over with a hug from behind. "Happy birthday," he sings into Taehyun's ear.

"Ah, I was wondering where you were," Taehyun replies, patting at Kai's hands at where they stay locked around his waist. He looks over at Beomgyu, who's watching them with an odd expression on his face.

"You almost missed the cake cutting," Kai continues. "Well, actually, you didn't, because”—he leans in closer, speaking in a loud whisper so as to avoid detection—"that Chenle guy hasn't showed up yet. Delays at the airport? Not sure how that works, when he has a private jet."

"Alright," Taehyun says, removing Kai's arms from his body easily. Just for kicks, he gives Kai a quick embrace, almost as a test of some sorts.

It's not very scientific, but Taehyun is completely sure regardless: there's something about Beomgyu Choi's hugs that are just _different_ from normal hugs. He looks over at Beomgyu as he thinks this, but Beomgyu's completely immersed in a conversation with Seungmin, now.

"Taehyun," Renjun calls, holding up a cup of something that definitely doesn't look like a normal drink. "We have a special birthday present for you."

Taehyun looks over at Jisung, his default barometer for whether the situation has gotten too _weird_ around Jisung's older friends.

Jisung just gives him a shrug and says, "I drank it, it isn't that bad."

After that, the rest of the night passes by in a blur: eventually "that Chenle guy"—apparently his name is Chenle Zhong, and he's a very big deal—shows up, and Jisung pretends not to shed tears but it's obvious he's crying, and Taehyun spends the rest of the night chatting with close friends and new ones, but oddly enough, not Beomgyu. Jaemin and the others give him a signed copy of Taemin's new album—Taehyun's not sure what sorcery was involved, but he'll take it—and there's cake cutting and, well.

It's just nice to be _loved_ in so many different ways.

"Are you sure you'll make it back okay?" Beomgyu asks, watching as Taehyun clumsily puts his sneakers back on.

"Yeah, of course, I have Kai," Taehyun says, patting Kai's shoulder as he bends down to put on his own shoes.

"Right," Beomgyu agrees. Strangely enough, he reaches out and pats Taehyun's head. It feels patronizing, but with the way Beomgyu's looking at him, he guesses it isn't meant to be taken as such. "Good night, Taehyun."

—

**from: Beomgyu**  
woah taehyun  
ur more romantic than i thot !!  
ive taught u well :’)

 **to: Beomgyu**  
What

Taehyun’s running late for lecture, so he doesn’t get to respond to Beomgyu’s messages further or ask him what the hell he’d been talking about. He slides into the side beside Soobin just as the professor begins to write on the chalkboard.

“Did I miss anything?” Taehyun whispers to Soobin, scrambling for his notebook and pen. It’s not like the lecture is that useful—it’s boring as hell, really—but taking notes at the very least gives him something to keep his focus on, hitting two birds with one stone: he doesn’t stare at Soobin for the entire class, and he won’t end up taking an unexpected nap either.

“No, not really,” Soobin mumbles to him quietly, eyes focused on the professor.

Lecture passes by slowly but not so slow that Taehyun falls asleep, so he’s thankful for the small mercies. It’s a typical boring day, really, except this time, Soobin doesn’t bolt out of the room as soon as the lecture ends. Taehyun takes his time while packing up as Soobin waits for him, and they walk out of the lecture hall together.

“Today’s lecture wasn’t as bad as last week,” is what Soobin is in the middle of telling him, when someone calls out, “Serenade for Soobin Choi!”

Taehyun would recognize that voice anywhere. “Beomgyu?” he says, a little incredulous, as Beomgyu and two other members of their a cappella group—one of them is Renjun, and he doesn’t know the name of the other guy—walk towards them. They're clearly on valentine-delivery duty, judging by their black button-downs and red ties.

Soobin, meanwhile, just looks confused and a little embarrassed. When it becomes clear that the singers are looking for him, specifically, a steady flush begins to spread across his face. Taehyun watches, fascinated.

He hadn't been the one to buy the valentine—he had considered it, for a couple of moments, but then realized he wouldn't have had the slightest idea of what to write—but it's clear that Soobin has an idea of who it might be, judging by the way he's muttering curses underneath his breath.

Renjun counts them off, the three of them bursting into song. Beomgyu has the solo, clear from the way he steps closest to Soobin and sings directly to him. It's a song from the eighties that Taehyun's heard before, but it sounds completely different coming from Beomgyu's voice, supplemented by the other vocals.

" _I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall,_ " Beomgyu continues, right hand on his heart, the other hand outstretched towards Sobin. " _And the greatest miracle of all / Is how I need you / And how you needed me too._ " His eyes are bright, smile engaging, and combined with how passionate he looks while singing this heartfelt love song, well...

Taehyun isn't going to lie, he wishes, momentarily, that he had bought a valentine himself.

"Dear Soobin," Beomgyu reads, once they've finished the song, "I really cherish your company. You make my days so much brighter. I”—here, Beomgyu pauses, looking unusually serious as he glances between Soobin and Taehyun—"I really like you, and I know you probably already know that. From, your secret admirer."

Soobin takes the red, heart-shaped slip of paper from Beomgyu's hands as soon as they're done. "Thanks," he says, his voice squeaking. He takes a look at Taehyun, then back at Beomgyu and the other singers, eyes widening in panic. "I think—I'm going to go—"

It doesn't take long for Soobin to leave, rushing out of the building as soon as possible.

Beomgyu turns back to Renjun. "When's the next delivery?" he asks.

Renjun checks his phone. "Still have fifteen, and it's going to be right here," he says. "I'm gonna go find some water." The other guy follows him, leaving Beomgyu there with Taehyun.

"You aren't thirsty?" Taehyun asks, half-wishing that Beomgyu could leave so that he can process _Beomgyu singing_ without the guy himself standing in front of him, silver earrings glinting on his ears and the sleeves of black button-down rolled up like _that._

Beomgyu shrugs. "This was my first solo for today," he says. "Mostly I just do the backing vocals, which aren’t as taxing."

"You were really good," Taehyun says carefully, hoping it strikes an appropriate balance between fond and reverent. He has no problem screaming his lungs off during Jisung's dance recitals or Kai's a cappella concerts—which Beomgyu also sings in, often—but something about being face to face like this, so close to Beomgyu's charismatic charm as a singer, really brings out the embarrassment in him.

"Thanks," Beomgyu says, hands fiddling with his sleeves. "You too, by the way."

"What?" Taehyun asks, confused.

Beomgyu slaps his back, grinning all the while. "I think Soobin really liked it, you charmer.”

Taehyun remembers the messages from earlier, Beomgyu’s _ur more romantic than i thot_ lighting up his screen, and he realizes. “Uh…”

“Soon you won’t even need my lessons, huh?” Beomgyu continues, something in his smile almost chilling.

Taehyun frowns. As pleased as Beomgyu is with his supposed confession, Taehyun can’t allow him to get the wrong impression.

“Beomgyu,” he says, feeling almost urgent. Renjun has started walking back towards them, and by the looks of it, Beomgyu will have to serenade another unsuspecting student soon.

“Oh, I think I’m going to have to sing in a minute or two,” Beomgyu replies, turning to leave.

“Beomgyu,” Taehyun repeats, loud and firm. Beomgyu turns back to face him for a moment, expression open with surprise. “I didn’t send the valentine to Soobin.”

Beomgyu nods slowly in response to that, heading towards Renjun and the others before Taehyun can properly catch a glimpse of Beomgyu’s face. But if he had to put a name to Beomgyu’s expression, it would probably be relieved.

—

It takes about five minutes after Taehyun shows up to the sorority formal for Yujin to ditch him for Wonyoung Jang. He isn't surprised—the same thing, unfortunately, had happened last semester—but it still leaves him a little bereft of things to do.

Taehyun scans around the room, looking to see if there's anyone that he knows, namely Soobin or Beomgyu. He could always gatecrash Yujin's conversation, but frankly the way she's flirting with Wonyoung is downright terrifying and he'd rather avoid it.

Maybe he should've asked Beomgyu if he was coming. Hadn't Yujin mentioned it? The truth is, Beomgyu went to these types of things a lot. Last semester, Taehyun had grown accustomed to his friend, Beomgyu, and then the other Beomgyu—the Beomgyu Choi of tagged Facebook photos and glittering candids, the person he had first met at that frat party, laughing and charismatic and a little more fake.

The only reason Taehyun hadn't asked, actually, is because of the weirdness from the valentine delivery. He doesn't know what he could say or do to really deal with that situation.

"Hey, you too?" someone asks from behind him. Taehyun turns around to see Soobin smiling down at him, looking a little sheepish.

"Yewon ditched me to talk someone else up," Soobin continues.

"Same here," Taehyun replies. Soobin, of course, looks very dashing in his suit. It reminds Taehyun of just how tall Soobin is.

They sit down at one of the tables and begin talking, and it's honestly pretty nice. Still, all the while, he can't help but glance around every couple of minutes to see whether Beomgyu has arrived yet. He wants to see Beomgyu's reaction to his progress, wants to know whether Beomgyu will be proud of him for talking to Soobin—

Soobin frowns at him, quizzical. "Are you looking for someone?" he asks.

"I—nevermind," Taehyun says quickly. He isn't really sure what he's doing—he's supposed to be thrilled at the opportunity to have a talk with his crush, but he keeps getting distracted.

He doesn't look around the room after that. Soobin's interesting enough—really cool, actually, once Taehyun gets him started on philosophy and k-pop girl groups and Soobin reveals his true colors as a Bebe Rexha stan—and Taehyun's slowly beginning to realize that just the sound of Soobin's voice doesn't make his heart flutter anymore. Honestly, when he thinks about it, he can think of a couple things that made his heart flutter more in the past weeks, but he soon puts that thought out of his mind.

It's only once Yujin approaches him once again, telling him and Soobin that it's time to head back to the dorms, that he glances over the rest of the large banquet hall again.

What he sees makes something chilly run through his veins. He isn't surprised to see Beomgyu here, laughing it up amongst members of Yujin's sorority, smiling in that way that Taehyun associates with Beomgyu's overall flirtiness, but at the same time—

At the same time what? he wonders to himself, as he and Yujin walk outside together, waiting for the uber back to campus. It isn't like Beomgyu had to say hi to him, or anything. It isn't like Beomgyu was Taehyun's—

Taehyun decides, at that very moment, to just stop thinking. To never think and have an actual brain again, that would be great. He sighs loudly, Yujin giving him a confused look.

"What's up?" she asks. "Did you”—she pauses, as if choosing her next words carefully—“enjoy yourself with Soobin?"

"Yeah," Taehyun replies, a little glum, wondering why the experience hadn't been as amazing as he had hoped. He had built up an unrealistic expectation in his mind, perhaps. Maybe this was what it was really like—that initial giddiness could have never lasted.

Taehyun wishes, momentarily, that Beomgyu could have taught him about that, instead of unnecessarily causing his heart to betray himself instead.

—

The next day, Beomgyu messages him.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
taehyunnn im bored  
help

“Does this look okay?” Kai asks. He’s straightening out his shirt in front of the mirror, and he turns around to give Taehyun a smile.

Taehyun gives the whole outfit a perfunctory glance before nodding, turning his attention back to the phone.

 **to: Beomgyu**  
How am I supposed to help

"Were you even looking?" Kai asks, a little skeptical. He's trying to look disapproving, hands on his hips, but he's never been good at staying annoyed for long. “Ugh, whatever.”

 **from: Beomgyu**  
come over nd we can hang out ^^  
i promise jaemin isnt there

Taehyun frowns. There's something about this that feels a little off to him, but he can't quite put a finger on it.

 **from: Beomgyu**  
it can be a lesson, too  
if u want

 **to: Taehyun**  
Okay sure  
Ill be there soon

It's only after Kai has left for his date, once Taehyun has stepped outside of his dorm wearing the winter gear that Beomgyu has gifted him, that he realizes what's wrong.

Today is _Valentine's Day,_ and instead of going out on a date, Beomgyu had asked for Taehyun to come hang out with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > there's an [ahn yujin cameo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5w4RyocfVQ) [of produce 48/izone fame] here because i think taehyun deserves to be friends with at least one (1) girl ok... her height is 5'7".  
> > [taehyun's hat](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b8/e6/7b/b8e67b1f7189a67abfac02a18d5eba12.jpg) from we lost the summer  
> > [the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UklNu2NS4Q) beomgyu sang to soobin [i know it doesn't match his vocal range but. we are just pretending here]


	3. PART THREE

While walking over to Beomgyu's apartment, Taehyun sends off a hurried birthday wish to Jaehyun—he'll give him that much, at the very least—but his mind is preoccupied by other things. He considers asking Beomgyu about the fact that it's Valentine's Day today—hadn't Beomgyu been the one to make such a big deal out of the occasion itself? 

He’d urged Taehyun to get Soobin a valentine, after all. Taehyun knows that Beomgyu isn't stupid, but isn't sure whether he'd just do something carelessly or not. Maybe Taehyun's overthinking it; they're just friends, after all.

Friends, except Beomgyu's teaching him how to date. The more Taehyun considers the situation, the more he begins to connect the dots to form a picture he can't consider just yet.

So he takes the easy, cowardly way out for now, and doesn't mention anything when he enters Beomgyu's apartment. Beomgyu, for the record, doesn't seem like he's aware that it's Valentine's Day either—he's wearing this oversized hoodie that goes all the way down to his thighs, and knee-length shorts underneath. 

Taehyun doesn't look at the downy hair on Beomgyu's calves, and most definitely does not think about how cute Beomgyu looks. He can’t make sense of it, can’t address the issue like he would solve a system of equations, so he lets it be for now.

"I'm so glad you're here," Beomgyu says, gesturing for Taehyun to join him on the couch. "I was really bored."

"Jaemin and Renjun are out?" Taehyun asks, looking around as he sits down on one of the cushions. The apartment seems pretty quiet, although he hasn't been around enough to tell what it normally feels like.

"Yep," Beomgyu replies. "Dating, or whatever." He makes a face, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. "They've been out the whole weekend, and it's just... really quiet without them, I guess."

"Oh, I see." Taehyun’s shoulders slump in relief, relaxing tension he hadn’t even known existed before then. Beomgyu's just a little _lonely._ That makes a whole lot more sense than whatever thoughts Taehyun had been entertaining before.

"Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to run out of lessons," Beomgyu admits. His eyes run over Taehyun’s face, slow and careful. Taehyun wonders what he’s looking for. 

"Really?" Taehyun responds, after a moment of hesitation. "I feel like I don't know everything, yet." That much is true enough; he still feels clueless half the time, grasping at something he doesn’t know how to reach. 

"Well, there are some things that I can't teach you," Beomgyu says, turning to face Taehyun more fully. He smooths his palms down across his thighs, looking at Taehyun intently. They’re much closer than Taehyun had anticipated, intimate proximity that should be comfortable but instead feels like a livewire under his skin. "Like, for example..." Beomgyu trails off.

Taehyun waits a moment, then prompts, "For example?"

"Nevermind." Beomgyu shakes his head vigorously, then stands up from the couch. "I'm going to go get something, gimme a second."

Beomgyu returns from his room carrying a _guitar_ in his hands. Taehyun watches, wide-eyed, as Beomgyu sits back down on the couch again. 

"Here’s today’s lesson,” Beomgyu starts, positioning the guitar on his lap and beginning to tap out a rhythm on the fingerboard. “One thing that's really nice to do is sharing what you're interested in."

"You play the guitar?" Taehyun asks, a little disbelieving. First the serenading, now _this?_

"Yeah." Beomgyu looks up from the fingerboard for a moment. He seems a little sheepish for some reason, avoiding direct eye contact. "I kind of dropped it for a while, especially while focusing on a cappella stuff, but I've actually played it for a couple of years now."

"I've never seen you play." Taehyun’s fascinated, honestly. Kai’s really good with musical instruments, but he mostly knows people who sing or dance, not much outside of that. 

"That's because I don't show many people," Beomgyu admits softly. He looks up again, giving Taehyun a teasing smile. "You're just special."

"Wow, I'm truly honored," Taehyun says drily. He means it sincerely this time, even if his blunt honesty is usually encased within layers of sarcasm. 

Beomgyu begins to play the beginning chords, and Taehyun watches him attentively, focusing on the concentrated furrow of his eyebrows, the graceful dexterity of his fingers. A couple moments later, Beomgyu’s voice joins the melody, singing Officially Missing You. It’s one of Taehyun’s favorite songs, too—he’ll never apologize for having a basic taste in music—and he begins to hum along despite himself. 

Beomgyu stops a little abruptly. "Were you singing along?" He’s fighting back excitement and clearly losing the battle. 

Taehyun doesn’t like lying, but he doesn’t enjoy the alternative either. He settles for a noncommittal shrug. 

"You totally were," Beomgyu replies, finally letting out his smile in full force. "It sounded good, Taehyun. Come on, can you do it again?"

"Uh," Taehyun starts. He normally saves his singing for the privacy of his and Kai’s room, when they both release residual stress and anxiety through screeching out Fall Out Boy songs. 

"Please?" Beomgyu pouts at him, exaggeratedly batting his eyelashes. It’s actually starting to _work_ on Taehyun, which he finds mildly terrifying.

"Fine,” Taehyun relents. Beomgyu begins to play again, the chords starting up once more, and this time Taehyun joins him. It’s a lot more calm than when he’s singing along with Kai—like sweet honey flowing through his veins instead of an ephemeral sugar rush. Like the difference between permanently healing and temporary relief. 

"Your voice is really nice and bright," Beomgyu says, breaking the silence. He taps on his bottom lip in thought. "You should audition for one of the a cappella groups next year, if you're up for it."

"I don't know, I'll consider it," Taehyun says, tentative. He knows Jaehyun would probably have some choice words to say about him joining an a capella group, something that he wouldn’t want to hear. "Kai tried to get me to join last fall, but I didn't feel like it."

"Oh yeah, astronomy club instead, right?" Beomgyu rests the guitar on the coffee table, then flops back down against the couch, eyes closing. Even like this, such a contrast from the polished suit-clad Beomgyu Choi of yesterday, he looks confident and put together. Warm and real, instead of filtered all cold and wan through the blue light of his phone screen. 

"Yeah," Taehyun replies, suddenly aware that he’s been staring at Beomgyu’s face for moments too long. He averts his gaze. 

"What about you, Taehyun?” Beomgyu asks. “Do you think you could show me something?"

Taehyun racks his mind for anything he could do. He doesn’t have anything quite as beautiful as Beomgyu’s singing, but his magic tricks could work. Kai had quite literally fallen over in amazement the first time he saw it, and even Jisung seemed grudgingly impressed when Taehyun showed him. "Do you have a deck of cards?"

"I think so, yeah." Beomgyu gets up to rummage through one of the cabinets, swiftly tossing a pack of cards to Taehyun. 

He shuffles the cards in his hands, trying to get a feel for them. They aren’t exactly like the ones he normally uses—from the DE Shaw logo on the back, it’s clear that Beomgyu snagged a pack from the job fair—but it’s close enough. He’ll be able to make it work. 

Taehyun goes through the same routine he had tried on Jisung mere months ago. He produces the jack of spades at the end of it all, presenting it to Beomgyu with a flourish. “Was this your card?”

"Yes, what the hell," Beomgyu says, looking down at the card then back at Taehyun in amazement. It’s not quite as over the top as Kai’s reaction, yet not as unimpressed as Jisung’s; a perfect inbetween. "How'd you _do_ that?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets," Taehyun says, mostly just to piss Beomgyu off a bit. Once Beomgyu rolls his eyes at him, annoyed, Taehyun relents easily. "Okay, fine, I'll explain.” He proceeds to delve into a description of exactly how the card trick works—it’s one of the simpler ones he knows, honestly, because he’d been afraid of messing up with an unfamiliar deck. 

"Nevermind." Beomgyu interrupts Taehyun midway through the explanation, looking equal parts amazed and exasperated. "I’m already lost and you haven't even gotten to the actual magic trick part of it."

"Sorry," Taehyun says sheepishly. He pauses, then continues, feeling a little self-conscious for bringing it up: "Did you think it was cool, though?"

"Of course." Beomgyu looks surprised that Taehyun asked in the first place. His eyes soften as he smiles. "You're the coolest, Taehyun."

Beomgyu makes things sound simultaneously sincere and facetious in a way that, on whole, feels a little confusing. "I'm glad."

Beomgyu leans back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Taehyun follows suit, noticing the little spiderwebs of cracks above them. 

"You know," Beomgyu says slowly, "I feel like I haven't dated someone seriously for months. I'm good at flirting, I guess, but it's hard for it to go anywhere."

"What?" Taehyun asks, wondering where all of this is coming from. Is this Beomgyu’s roundabout way of telling him he doesn’t have plans for Valentine’s Day? 

"Couldn't find the right person, I guess," Beomgyu continues, shifting so that he faces Taehyun more completely, hand propped up on his chin. "Anyway, it just—I’ve always wondered why you asked for help with this whole dating thing. Like—why you needed help in the first place, I guess."

"I think," Taehyun says, unsure of exactly how to continue, "I had a lot of reasons."

"Really?" Beomgyu raises his eyebrows, curious. "Name a couple, c'mon."

Taehyun closes his eyes. If there’s anyone he can be honest to, it would have to be Beomgyu. “I just never had a chance to _do_ anything, or go on a date, because I thought my family would find out,” he says. “My brother—he was always _there,_ in high school, and even though he’d already graduated everyone on the track team still kept in contact with him.” 

“He doesn’t know?” Beomgyu asks, hushed. Taehyun hears Beomgyu shift closer to him before he feels Beomgyu’s hesitant hand coming to rest on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t,” Taehyun says, miserable. “Or—I’ve never told him. Sometimes I think he knows, but—we’re just so different now. I barely run anymore, I don’t know what he’d think—” he breaks off. 

“Look, Taehyun, it’s fine.” He can feel Beomgyu’s hands smoothing down his hair, a calming, repetitive motion. “Focus on one thing at a time, right? You don’t have to tell anyone anything, not just yet.”

Taehyun focuses on steadying his breath first, and then he opens his eyes. “Does your brother know?” he asks, curious despite himself. 

“He used to cover for me in high school, believe it or not,” Beomgyu says, lips quirking up in a wistful smile. “We never had anything in common—not even, like, a sport—but. That’s what family is like sometimes, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Taehyun nods, and they’re silent again for a couple of moments. 

Beomgyu clears his throat. “So, Taehyun,” he starts. “You said you had a lot of reasons, but.” He leans a little closer. “Why _me,_ though?”

Taehyun spots the attempt at distraction from a mile away, and he grasps onto it readily. 

He tilts his head to the side. “It had to be you, out of all of my friends.” That much, he knows for certain. He begins to list the reasons on his fingers. "Like, you’ve actually successfully dated people in the past, which is better than most of my other friends. You're just really confident, and good at winning people over?” 

“Super charming, I guess,” Taehyun adds. He can feel Beomgyu’s stare burning against his skin, but he refuses to make direct eye contact for now. “And I knew you wouldn't judge me about it, either? Like, being inexperienced…” he trails off, venturing a look at Beomgyu’s face. 

Beomgyu looks stunned, eyes wide and cheeks more pink than Taehyun has ever seen him. Taehyun swallows dryly, wondering if he’s taken it too far. Regardless, he’s past the tipping point; there’s nowhere to go but forward, now. 

Eventually that expression breaks into a smile, Beomgyu laughing cheerfully. "Wow, Taehyun," he says, reaching over to ruffle Taehyun’s hair. "That's so _cute_ of you, I didn't know you could be so sentimental like that."

"Shut up," Taehyun grumbles, crossing his arms. He fights back a smile; it’s difficult when Beomgyu’s beaming at him so wholeheartedly like this. "I'm literally never going to say anything nice to you ever again."

"Come on now," Beomgyu replies, leaning close into Taehyun’s face. As always, he's just a little too close as he whispers into Taehyun's ear. "We both know that one's a lie."

Perhaps the proximity makes Taehyun feel a little more nervous—it certainly would have before. But now, having talked to Beomgyu about how he feels, every emotion is tempered with something fond, instead. 

—

Normally Mondays are one of Taehyun’s favorite days of the week—he doesn't have lectures on that day, so he has the whole morning free, and there's always stargazing at night to look forward to—but today is a glaring exception. He’d woken up to unexpected messages on his phone, innocuous yet enough to distract him for the whole day. 

Taehyun refuses to think about the issue much more, at least for now. Instead, he focuses on fixing the symptoms of his bad mood rather than the source. He sends a text inviting Beomgyu to the astronomy club and tries to ignore the other notifications on his phone.

The rest of the day passes by slowly, drearily. Taehyun almost _wishes_ he had a lecture to attend or somewhere to be. Normally he has enough motivation to get started on his weekly problem sets, but today has just been an off day.

Nevertheless, Taehyun's in a much better mood once the night falls and it's time for him to meet with Beomgyu. They enter the observatory together, Yujin greeting them quickly as they walk inside.

"It's nice to meet you," she tells Beomgyu. "I've heard a lot about you from Taehyun."

Taehyun's ready to protest, but Beomgyu simply grins, jabbing his elbow into Taehyun’s side. "Of course, what else could I possibly expect?"

Thankfully Yujin leaves them alone after that; he and Beomgyu look at the stars together. It's always nice bringing someone who's never been to the observatory before, someone who views the stars in a new light after visiting the astronomy club.

Beomgyu is wide-eyed with wonder the entire time. He isn’t as effusive as Taehyun might have expected, but instead struck silent by the beauty of the stars. It's refreshing, almost, to see one of the few things that renders Beomgyu speechless.

The spell finally seems to break as they leave the building. As always, the piercing cold air thrusts them back into the contours of reality.

"So," Taehyun starts, watching as Beomgyu blinks, a little startled by the wind. "What did you think?"

"It was so cool to look at the stars," Beomgyu says. He pauses, gazing up at the sky. Taehyun follows him, unsurprised by the dark murkiness that lies above, nothing shining up there. "Like, actually look at them. You can't even see anything in the city, most of the time."

"Yeah, that's one of my favorite parts too." Taehyun looks away from Beomgyu’s sparkling eyes, aware that maybe he's been staring for too long at the wrong shining thing. "The sky's a lot clearer back home." It's one of the few things he misses: the stars and the weather.

They resume walking, albeit much slower, now.

Beomgyu sighs. "Sometimes I think love is like the stars," he says slowly. When he glances over at Taehyun, it's difficult for Taehyun to decipher his expression. "Sometimes you can't see it, but if you look closer, it's always been there."

Taehyun ignores the way his heartbeat quickens at Beomgyu's words, offering a smile instead. "Didn't know you were such a poet, Beomgyu Choi."

"Well, I try." Beomgyu sticks his tongue out. They pause at a crosswalk. No one else is around, save for one person at the other side of the street.

"So, Taehyun," Beomgyu begins, staring straight forward across the road. "Are you going to tell me what's up?"

Taehyun raises his eyebrows, surprised. "What do you mean?" The light turns, and they begin to cross.

"Like, is something bothering you?" Beomgyu continues. Instead of rounding the corner the way they're supposed to, he proceeds a couple yards forward, sitting down at a bench. He gestures for Taehyun to follow him. "I wasn't sure, but—you seemed a bit different today."

Taehyun sits beside him with a sigh. For a moment they look out on the road together, unusually quiet for a city like theirs, yet fittingly still for such a time of day.

"My brother messaged me," Taehyun admits. “Replied to my birthday messages.” He proceeds in stops and starts, like an old car coming back to life; he's out of practice with this, with sharing his heart, but he still tries instead of hiding. "He wants to call, and I don't know what to say."

Beomgyu moves closer to him on the bench, knocking their knees together gently. "I haven't spoken to him for months," Taehyun adds, feeling a little ashamed.

"Well.” Beomgyu rarely deliberates over his words, but now Taehyun can see just how much care he puts into choosing the right thing to say at this moment. "If he's trying to talk to you, then you might as well reach back, right?"

"Might as well," Taehyun echoes. He thinks on it for a little while, on the whole idea of _reaching back,_ and decides he could start trying right here. He leans into Beomgyu's side so that his head rests on Beomgyu's shoulder.

“You know, I once got into a fight with my brother.” Taehyun can feel Beomgyu’s voice vibrating in his body from this angle, and it makes him laugh. 

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“Let me just tell you the story,” Beomgyu says, exasperated. “Anyway, we were fighting about something dumb, and then I tried to sock him in the face.”

Taehyun sits up with surprise. “What?” he asks, incredulous. “Did it work?”

“I was ten and he was thirteen,” Beomgyu continues. “So no, of course it didn’t work.” He sighs. “But he wasn’t even mad at all, just worried after I bruised my knuckles.”

“Okay?” Taehyun still doesn’t get it. “Is there a point, or…?”

“Not really,” Beomgyu admits readily, smiling at him. “But you don’t look so sad anymore, so I think it worked.”

Taehyun rolls his eyes, biting back a grateful smile. “Whatever.” He settles back into his previous position, head nestled in the crook of Beomgyu’s neck. All is silent for a couple of moments, save for faraway siren calls and distant car engines.

"Thanks for coming with me today," Taehyun says quietly.

He can feel Beomgyu hesitate for a couple seconds before putting his arm around Taehyun. Then, so quiet that he wonders if he's just imagined it, Beomgyu whispers: "of course."

Taehyun closes his eyes. If he tries hard enough, he thinks he can see the stars again. Not the dull city sky, but the sparkling constellations he had viewed through a telescope, bright underneath his eyelids. They’re even more beautiful with Beomgyu by his side.

—

He replies to Jaehyun’s message while he’s heading to the Real Analysis lecture the next day. It’s not much, but at least it’s a start. 

— 

“Hey, Kai,” Taehyun says, staring up at the ceiling as he lays in bed. It’s been a day since he last saw Beomgyu, and he can’t get their conversation out of his mind. On the other hand, he literally spent a couple hours beside Soobin today in lecture, and he feels—he doesn’t know how he feels. 

“What’s up?” Kai asks, peering over him. From this angle, Taehyun can see up Kai's nose. It isn't the most pleasant view.

Taehyun closes his eyes instead. “Can you even like someone if you don’t know them?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” Taehyun hears some shuffling, and when he opens his eyes again, Kai's sitting at the side of his bed, looking a little concerned.

Taehyun rolls over so that he's on his stomach, elbows propping his body up. “Like, you feel butterflies, and all of that stuff, but you end up realizing that you don’t actually know them and there’s probably someone else—” Taehyun breaks off, a little horrified, as he realizes what direction he's going in. He buries his head in his pillow. “ _Ugh,_ I don’t know.”

Kai pats his back gently, which helps a little. “That kind of sounds like the difference between, like, uh, infatuation and a crush.”

“Infatuation?” Taehyun isn't sure he's heard that word ever being said aloud before, at least not outside of a movie or something. Taehyun turns back over and sits up to face Kai, intrigued.

Kai rolls his eyes. “If it’s the word that fits, might as well use it, right?” he says. He taps his chin, thinking. “An infatuation is more of a momentary thing, but, like, a crush is more long term, I’d say.”

Taehyun takes a moment to mull over this.

“Is this the Soobin thing?” Kai continues gently. His eyes are wide with curiosity, but he's smart enough to not overwhelm him completely. Taehyun can almost feel the questions that Kai's struggling to hold back. “Oh, yeah. You never told me where you went out for Valentine’s Day.”

“I wasn’t out with Soobin,” Taehyun admits, feeling a little wary of what he's about to say. “I just hung out with Beomgyu that day, he said he was lonely.” He glances at Kai's face. Kai looks like he's warring between excitement and complete confusion.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Taehyun adds sheepishly.

“I’m not looking at you like anything!” Kai protests, although he had definitely been eyeing Taehyun with glee. “Okay, fine, back to Soobin.” Kai pauses. “Do you actually like him, or do you just think he’s kind of cute?”

Taehyun sighs. “He’s _really_ cute,” he emphasizes. That, at least, hasn't changed over the past couple of weeks. “But I don’t think… I don’t _think_ I like him?”

Kai looks at him, a little skeptical. “Yeah, you should figure that out,” he says, giving Taehyun a measured look. “So, are we going to talk about Beomgyu, or—”

“I think I should sleep,” Taehyun says firmly, cutting Kai off before he can continue any further. He doesn't think he's ready to even think about that entire can of worms right yet. 

There are some things that he still needs to consider by himself.

—

Taehyun figures he has a chance to ask for another opinion from “the crush” himself, Soobin Choi, when they're working on the Real Analysis problem set together at the library. He waits for an opportune moment—when Soobin isn't asking him about the rigorous definition of uniform convergence versus pointwise convergence—and then pops the question.

“Hey Soobin,” Taehyun says. Soobin looks over at him, taking out an airpod. “What’s the difference between a crush and an infatuation?”

“What?" Soobin asks, as if unsure whether he heard Taehyun's question properly. He smiles, a little shallow. "That’s pretty random…”

“I was just thinking about it,” Taehyun says quickly, wondering how suspicious he seems. 

Soobin shrugs. “Alright,” he says slowly. “I’d say that infatuation passes pretty quickly, whereas a crush…" He tilts his head, still thinking. "That’s stronger.”

From the way Soobin stares off into the distance, a fond smile playing across his lips, Taehyun can tell he has romantic feelings of his own.

Taehyun iterates through a couple different questions in his head before settling on the most innocuous one he can think of: “Did you ever figure out who sent you that valentine?”

Soobin blushes at that, avoiding eye contact as he responds. “Yeah.” He pauses, then adds, a little shy, “it was Yeonjun—I don’t think you know him, but he’s pretty recognizable. Pink hair, ponytail.”

“Oh, him,” Taehyun says, feigning ignorance towards Yeonjun's identity. Honestly, it isn't much of a surprise, considering how much he's seen the two of them together on campus, pink and blue, like matching cotton candy flavors. He can't help but wonder if Beomgyu knows about this. "Nice."

"Yeah, it's—great," Soobin replies. He seems embarrassed as he returns back to the problem set, and Taehyun chuckles at the sight.

Oddly enough, he doesn’t feel that torn up about Soobin’s crush—not when it’s so clear that Soobin has found that happiness for himself. It’s clear enough to Taehyun that he definitely doesn’t like Soobin anymore; thinking about it, he isn't even sure if he ever did.

Taehyun gives Soobin one last glance before returning back to his problem set. At least he can acknowledge, in a distant sort of way, that Soobin’s still pretty cute. There’s one constant among all the different changing feelings swirling around in his head.

—

Sometimes Taehyun finds it hard to distinguish between dating lessons and just hanging out as friends with Beomgyu. Like right now: he's stretched out on Beomgyu's queen-sized bed, the two of them side-by-side as they work on problem sets together. He can feel the heat of Beomgyu’s side pressed into his, a casual, friendly touch, but if Taehyun thinks about it for too long he starts to get a little flustered. 

They don't share any classes together this semester, but Beomgyu had called him to the apartment and demanded to spend time with him. Taehyun even braves Beomgyu’s roommates to come over. 

It’s getting late, Taehyun thinks. They had already ordered a large pizza to share with Jaemin and Renjun, finishing off the slices quickly before returning back to their respective rooms. But he’s making good progress on his work and as distracting as Beomgyu gets sometimes, humming to himself while working through questions, his presence still calms him. 

“Hey, Taehyun,” Beomgyu says, breaking their comfortable silence. “How the fuck do you do this integral?” He shows Taehyun his work, pouting down at the paper. “Or did I just do this whole problem wrong, I don’t even know…”

Taehyun takes a look over the problem, scanning down Beomgyu’s work. “Oh, that’s a u-substitution,” Taehyun says. “Just sub in u equals t-squared and I think it’ll work.”

Beomgyu throws his arm over Taehyun’s shoulder, pulling him into his side. “What would I do without you?” Beomgyu asks fondly. He begins stroking Taehyun’s hair, fingers gentle, and Taehyun closes his eyes to savor the touch for just a moment. 

“Maybe I’d be a little more sane,” he shoots back, ducking out of Beomgyu’s grip. 

Beomgyu laughs at that. “You have no idea,” he says, shaking his head ruefully, “how crazy…” He trails off after that, eyes still focused on Taehyun’s face. 

Taehyun has no idea what expression he’s making, but he hopes it isn’t as stupid as he _feels_ right now. He raises an eyebrow. “How crazy you are?” Taehyun teases, pulse beating in his throat. “Believe me, I know.”

“Whatever.” Beomgyu’s silent for a couple of seconds before he launches into a story about a prank that had happened during a capella practice. Time passes by, but Taehyun continues listening to the steady up and down cadences of Beomgyu’s voice, the way it gets louder when he’s excited and soft and low when he’s more uncertain. 

“It’s getting late,” Beomgyu comments, after he’s finally done with his problem set. He moves his notebook and worksheets to the bedside table, stretching with a yawn afterwards. 

“Hm,” Taehyun agrees, politely averting his gaze to avoid staring at the pale exposed skin ofBeomgyu’s stomach. He realizes, just then, exactly how much time has passed. “Shit, I should head back now.”

“Don’t.” Beomgyu says quickly. His eyes widen, almost as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He takes a breath, then continues. “I mean, it’s already really late and it’s cold out, it probably isn’t the best to head out right now, and—”

“Right,” Taehyun cuts him off, not sure if he wants to hear more of Beomgyu’s nervous justification. Something about the way Beomgyu’s looking at him, wide-eyed and surprised at himself, a little weary from sleep, makes him feel all warm and giddy and nervous inside. “Let’s just sleep, then?”

This isn’t a big deal, Taehyun tells himself, even as Kai sends him a message saying _??? are you okay???_ when telling him he’s staying the night. Even as Beomgyu hands him a spare t-shirt to change into, still not making total eye contact. It smells a bit like Beomgyu, in a sweet, calming way that he can’t quite name. 

This isn’t a big deal, he repeats, as he gets into bed, making sure that their bodies don’t touch. He lies there in the darkness for a while, aware of just how close yet far apart they are—just inches apart, enough for Beomgyu’s warmth to reach his side of the bed, but still, they don’t touch. Like a curve approaching an asymptote, just out of reach. 

Taehyun wonders if he should say anything. Then, he remembers the question he had already asked Soobin and Kai.

"What's the difference between—"

"Well, this is kind of—"

Taehyun laughs, a little awkward, when he realizes that they had started talking at the same time.

"Come on," Beomgyu says. It's so dark that Taehyun can't make out much of Beomgyu's features, but he fills in the details for himself regardless—his bright eyes, the curve of his smile. "You go first."

"What do you think separates actually liking someone from just infatuation?" Taehyun asks. 

Beomgyu remains silent for a couple of moments, unreadable. "Is this about Soobin?"

"Yeah," he says, even though he’s managed to sort that out, mostly. He doesn't mention how conflicted his feelings are towards Beomgyu.

“Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I truly like someone, I know it.” The sheets rustle, a little, and Taehyun can sense Beomgyu turning to face him, regardless of whether he can actually see it. “It’s just—things feel different. It isn’t something that just disappears, that I can get over easily, you know?”

Taehyun remembers the Beomgyu he first met, vacant and beautiful and charming. “Did you like all the people you’ve dated, then?”

“No, not in the same way.” A sigh, before Beomgyu continues: “I’ve been thinking about it more and more, honestly. The different ways of loving someone.” 

“Go on,” Taehyun urges, after Beomgyu stays silent for more than a couple of seconds. 

“Remember how I said that dating is about being comfortable with another person?” Beomgyu asks finally.

Taehyun turns over to face him. “Yeah.” It’s funny how far he is from that now, just centimeters away from Beomgyu with his heart beating out of his chest. 

“I still think that’s true, but also… I don’t know. You can’t just be comfortable all the time, otherwise you’ll never be able to truly know each other.”

“But opening up is hard,” Taehyun points out.

“Yeah, it’s difficult.” Beomgyu swallows audibly. “But—but without that discomfort, without being honest—that isn’t a real relationship, isn’t it?”

Taehyun considers that, thinks of all the things he’s told Beomgyu that hasn’t told anyone else, thinks of how he felt while watching Beomgyu play the guitar in front of him for the first time. He feels like himself when he’s with Beomgyu. Not adrift, not stranded out to sea, but anchored and steady. 

He’s startled out of his thoughts by a gentle nudge to his shoulder. “Taehyun, are you still awake?”

“Hm?” Taehyun blinks. Beomgyu’s touch has disappeared, and for a second he wonders if it was just a figment of his imagination. 

“Good night,” Beomgyu whispers. 

“Good night, Beomgyu,” he replies, wishing that he, too, could reach out, if only for just a moment. 

Surprisingly, despite how fast his heart pounds, he falls asleep easily enough to the rhythm of Beomgyu’s steady breathing. 

—

Taehyun’s an early riser, always has been. He wakes up when the sun starts to shine outside the window.

Beomgyu’s still asleep, face peaceful and golden in the morning light. Taehyun takes a few brief moments to luxuriate in the sight, eyes trailing over the curves of Beomgyu’s cheeks and the slope of his nose greedily, taking in all that he can’t when Beomgyu’s awake. 

And that, _that_ is when Taehyun knows he can’t deny how he feels any longer. 

—

Taehyun spends the next week thinking, considering all of his options and his own feelings. He doesn't tell anyone about what he's going through—although he's pretty sure Kai has caught on, at the very least—because he's still trying to make sense of this unknown thing himself.

Beomgyu still invites him to spend a lot of time together. Sometimes it's under the guise of "lessons"—such as Beomgyu dragging him to the nearest free-skate rink he can find, the two of them practically falling over the ice together—and other times they're just hanging out normally, although this version of _normal_ is nothing like the way Taehyun used to spend time with Beomgyu before all of this. 

It’s kind of weird to consider how much things have changed. Beomgyu was never his closest friend, just a sophomore who happened to share a class with him last semester. Just a half-formed regret at the back of his mind that had never come to fruition. But now they’re close, close in a way that Taehyun doesn’t know how to deal with at times. 

Like when Jaemin starts teasing Taehyun for coming over so often, for example, and Beomgyu flushes bright red before telling Jaemin to _shut the fuck up_ like usual. Or when Beomgyu invites him to his a cappella concert and they walk back to his dorm afterwards. 

Like right now, even. 

**from: Beomgyu**  
i got coffee for u ^^  
what floor again??

Taehyun’s in the middle of studying for the Real Analysis midterm he has tomorrow, Soobin sharing his company. 

“You look happy,” Soobin comments, giving Taehyun a teasing smile. “Is it the person you were crushing on?”

Taehyun wonders if his face betrays how he feels. Normally he’s good at maintaining a stoic expression, but he can feel the corners of his lips twitching upwards as he replies, “yeah, I guess,” somewhat half-heartedly. He types out a reply to Beomgyu. 

**to: Beomgyu**  
Third floor

“Cute,” Soobin says. His eyes flit back to the review packet they’ve been going through in order to prepare for the exam. “Also, wait, how did you do this one?” He slides the paper over to Taehyun. 

“What?” Taehyun asks, still a little lost in thought. He blinks down at the paper in front of him, taking in the problem with full focus. Soobin’s approach on this one was right, but the algebraic manipulations aren’t totally sound, from what he can tell. “Oh, yeah, you should just be careful here.” He taps the portion of the proof in question with his pen, nudging Soobin’s shoulder. 

Someone in front of them clears his throat, the sound familiar enough that Taehyun recognizes it—it sends his heart racing, even, _what the fuck,_ what has he become at this point. Acknowledging his feelings has unlocked a whole new level of awareness, but he still tries to push the feeling away for a moment. 

“Here’s the coffee,” Beomgyu says, a little loud for the library, sliding the cup into Taehyun’s peripheral.

“Thanks,” Taehyun says quickly, trying to focus on the problem. He can hear Beomgyu settling down across from him, and he’s a little hesitant to look up. 

“Do you see what I’m talking about here?” he asks Soobin. 

Soobin frowns. His dimple comes out when he’s pouting, too. “I don’t get it,” he says. “So how is this part justified?”

Taehyun rubs the back of his neck. “Soobin, I’m like ninety-percent sure we covered this in class last week,” he says, feeling a little exasperated. He glances up at Beomgyu for a second while rifling through his notes; Beomgyu’s looking down at his laptop, face lowered and nearly hidden from view. “Oh yeah, see?” Taehyun points at the offending theorem in his notes, relieved that they actually came in handy for once. 

Soobin scans over it quickly, eyes widening with understanding. “Oh, _now_ it all makes sense.” He sighs in relief. “What would I do without you?” 

Taehyun still isn’t used to Soobin’s random bouts of sincerity, and he chokes a little while taking a sip of his caramel macchiato. “Just be glad you have me, then,” he says.

He hears Beomgyu mumble something under his breath, but when Taehyun looks at him, Beomgyu’s still looking down at the table. He seems to be glaring holes into his computer screen, really. Taehyun hesitates, remembering that first study-date at the library. Would it be appropriate to…

Taehyun double-checks to make sure that Soobin is immersed in his work, then extends his leg under the table. At first it’s just a small nudge, his sneaker tapping against Beomgyu’s Air Forces. When Beomgyu doesn’t look up, Taehyun begins to bring his foot up to rest against Beomgyu’s shin, watching as Beomgyu valiantly tries to suppress a shiver.

Beomgyu looks up, clearly confused. His mouth is pursed in a little pout, eyebrows furrowed. 

_You okay?_ Taehyun mouths. Beomgyu nods, pressing his lips together into a flat line and ducking his head back down again. 

The three of them stay studying in the library for an hour or so more, and Soobin’s the first to leave. 

Beomgyu seems to relax significantly more once Soobin has left, even interlocking their legs underneath the table at one point. Eventually they exit the library as well, the sky dark as they step outside. 

“You seemed pretty quiet today,” Taehyun comments while they walk out. He hesitates, then adds: “Is everything alright?”

“Just midterms stress, I guess.” Beomgyu shrugs. He’s avoiding Taehyun’s eye contact a bit again. They’re both silent for a couple of moments, enough for Taehyun to consider it as an awkward silence. 

“Anyway,” Beomgyu claps his hands together. “Are you free on Friday? Let’s go watch a movie after exams are over.”

“Sounds good,” Taehyun says automatically, before stopping to even consider the possible implications. It’s not like there are any, right? 

“Alright, see you then,” Beomgyu says. They stop at the crosswalk, the place where their paths diverge as Taehyun returns to the dorms and Beomgyu to his apartment. 

“See you,” Taehyun echoes. He watches Beomgyu follow the crosswalk, his steps always on the painted-white lines instead of the paved road. “Make sure you remember u-substitution!” Taehyun calls after him. 

“How could I forget!” Beomgyu yells over his shoulder. Maybe it’s just the glow of car headlights in the night, but Taehyun thinks he spots the first genuine smile that Beomgyu has sported today. 

—

Taehyun decides that he’s going to do it. After they finish watching the movie, he’ll confess. He’s thought through the possibilities, and even if the chance of Beomgyu returning his feelings may be small, it’s better than just repressing his crushes the way he had done in the past. Besides, it’s Beomgyu—Beomgyu who doesn’t hold grudges for very long, Beomgyu who’s one of the nicest, most random people he’s met. 

No matter what happens, he knows, realistically, it can’t be that bad. The probability is nonzero that Beomgyu returns his feelings. Even a rejection at the hands of Beomgyu Choi wouldn’t be so terrible, would it?

Still, Taehyun can feel his hands begin to sweat as he sits down beside Beomgyu for the previews. As the minutes pass by—Beomgyu offering dumb, irreverent commentary on all of the movie trailers, his teasing smile reflected by the projector’s cold light despite the dimness of the theater—Taehyun eventually relaxes. 

After all, that was what Beomgyu told him—that dating was about being comfortable with another person, about being comfortable with himself. Somehow, through Beomgyu, he had been able to reach a level of ease that he hadn’t before. Even something as a scary as confessing didn’t seem so frightening in the scheme of things. 

Beomgyu’s genuinely immersed in the movie as they watch, eyes widening when the dramatic surprises unveil themselves and bending over in silent laughter, mouth covered all the while. Taehyun, well, he’s still thinking about the advice he’s solicited from Kai and Jisung. 

In the words of ever-wise Kai, when all three of them had convened in Jisung’s dorm room for a strategy session: “You’re going to the movies!? Come on, you’ve gotta, like, try the _move._ ”

“What’s the move?” Taehyun had asked, brows furrowed in confusion. 

Jisung buried his head in his hands. “I can’t tell which one of you is more hopeless, honestly.”

“That’s not exactly helping, Jisung,” Kai had replied, flicking Jisung’s forehead. He turned back to face Taehyun, both hands waving around to emphasize his point. “You know, the _move._ ” 

He began to demonstrate with Jisung. “See, you yawn like this, or something”—Kai pretended to yawn very unconvincingly—“and then you can stretch your arm over Beomgyu’s shoulder like so, and then you have your arm around them!”

Jisung looked as if he’d rather never touch another person again. 

“Or, or,” Kai continued, seemingly oblivious to Jisung’s embarrassment, “you could count shoulders. Starting with yourself, then go one, two”—he touched the tops of both of his shoulders, then moved to Jisung’s—“three, four.” Again, he ended up with his arm around Jisung. 

“Uh.” Taehyun started rubbing the back of his neck. He still wasn’t sure whether Kai’s a great source for advice, even if he _had_ been going on dates recently. “I’ll think about it.”

Which is what he’s doing right now, as he divides his attention between the movie and Beomgyu’s reactions. 

Beomgyu turns to him, catching him in the act of staring. He leans in to whisper into Taehyun’s ear. “What is it?” he asks, eyes still bright with the movie reflecting in them. 

Taehyun sighs. There’s no part in pretending to yawn, in his opinion—he might as well just go for it. “Nothing,” Taehyun replies, turning his head so that he’s mirroring Beomgyu’s position from before. 

Then, feeling his face burn up with embarrassment all the while, he slides his arm around Beomgyu’s shoulder. He isn’t sure what exactly makes it so vulnerable for him, not when Beomgyu has pulled him in for one-armed casual embraces before, not when they’ve hugged in the middle of the sidewalk. 

But there’s something about initiating the touch in the public intimacy of the dark theater that makes his nerves light up with something new. 

He stays still for a couple of moments, not even daring to look away from the movie while his hand rests cups the side of Beomgyu’s forearm. Then, a few seconds later, he feels Beomgyu relaxing into the touch, head leaning onto his shoulder. 

Taehyun looks over, although it’s hard to catch a glimpse of Beomgyu’s expression from this angle. He can see the slight smile playing across Beomgyu’s lips, and he thinks he just might be doing something right. 

“What did you think of the movie?” Beomgyu asks as they walk out of the theater hall. His cheeks are pink. Taehyun had grabbed Beomgyu’s hand as they got up from their seats and neither of them have let go since. 

Taehyun walks slowly and pretends to read over the movie posters showcased on the walls, still a little nervous about making eye contact. Every look feels like something warm, something burning. 

“It was good,” Taehyun says. He’s still thinking of how best to word his confession: _I know we’ve been practice-dating for a while, but can we date for real instead? Beomgyu, I just really like you?_

He finally settles on what sounds the best: the plain, unadorned truth. “Beomgyu,” Taehyun says, stopping both of them in their tracks. 

“Yes?” 

“I think we should stop this,” Taehyun says, trying to get to the next part of it as fast as possible while watching Beomgyu’s eyes widen with shock. “Like, practicing to date, because—”

“Hey Beomgyu,” Yeonjun greets, hand in hand with Soobin. The two of them smile, unaware of exactly what they’re interrupting. “Long time no see.”

_Because I want to date you for real,_ Taehyun finishes miserably, in his head. 

“Long time no see,” Beomgyu echoes, initially alarmed. He registers the lack of shock on Taehyun’s face, then the way Yeonjun and Soobin are holding hands, couple-like. 

When he faces Taehyun again, his expression seems resigned; he removes his hand from Taehyun’s grasp. 

“Beomgyu—” Taehyun starts.

“I understand,” Beomgyu says, ducking his head down. “You knew, didn’t you? That they were together?”

“I _don’t_ understand,” Taehyun replies, frowning at the severity of Beomgyu’s reaction. He looks over and realizes that Yeonjun and Soobin are still standing there, confused. “Uh, sorry, I think Beomgyu and I need to talk—”

“I should go, actually,” Beomgyu interrupts, voice a little choked up, and before Taehyun can say anything more, he begins striding away as fast as possible. 

Taehyun blinks after him, a little stunned. 

Yeonjun clears his throat. “Well?” he says, breaking the silence. “What are you waiting for?”

Taehyun breaks into a run and sprints out of the movie theater, faster than he’s ever gone before. A race more important than any track meet he’s ever attended, a race towards Beomgyu. 

—

“Beomgyu, wait!” Taehyun nearly skids on ice as he finally catches up to Beomgyu at the parking lot outside of the movie hall. 

Beomgyu grabs onto his shoulder, steadying him, although his expression remains guarded, almost wary. “What is it?” he asks. Taehyun looks closer, and realizes that Beomgyu’s blinking away the wetness in his eyes. “You already said—”

Taehyun interrupts. “Beomgyu—”

“How long have you known about Soobin and Yeonjun?” Beomgyu cuts in. 

Taehyun tries to recall, shivering as he catches his breath. “Two… two and a half weeks?”

Beomgyu chews on his bottom lip. “Then why didn’t you—that’s so—”

“You seemed a little touchy about Yeonjun, before,” Taehyun says. The next part is harder for him to admit so readily. “And…”

“Oh, _Yeonjun._ ” Beomgyu says, sheepish. “We just went on like, one date.” He sighs. “It was just—I wanted to spend more time with you, even if it was just pretend.”

Taehyun takes a moment to process Beomgyu’s words, nervous anticipation blooming in his chest. He takes a breath. 

“Did you know what I was going to tell you earlier?” Taehyun says, stepping forward and regarding Beomgyu in this light. Under the cold, blue-white lights that surround the parking lot, Beomgyu glows, almost ghostly.

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No.” 

Taehyun pauses for a moment, takes a breath. He thinks of everything he’s already shared with Beomgyu, and is surprised it isn’t already obvious: “I was going to tell you that I like you.”

“I didn’t want to have practice dates because I want to date you for real,” Taehyun continues. He’s spent a long time observing Beomgyu’s face, the minute changes that take place as he progresses from emotion to emotion, but he doesn’t think anything can match the smile he sees right now. “So, Beomgyu…?”

Beomgyu steps forward and hugs him, burying his head in the crook of Taehyun’s neck. “Yes,” he whispers. “Yes, I like you too.” 

If Taehyun concentrates hard enough, he thinks he can feel Beomgyu’s lips moving against his scarf, but it’s hard to focus when his heart rate is skyrocketing like this. 

As far as wooing his first true crush goes, Taehyun would have to say that this was a success. 

—

A week has passed since that night at the movies, a strange, giddy week in which Taehyun finds it hard to stop smiling yet Beomgyu and him are a little more shy because they both _know_ how they feel about each other.

"It won't be long before it's midnight," Taehyun comments. They're sitting side by side on Beomgyu's bed, their sides pressed together in a point of contact running from Taehyun's shoulder down to where they hold hands, gentle and tentative. He stares at their intertwined fingers and remembers how Beomgyu used to grab onto his wrist or arm, how he had refused to grasp his hand at first. 

"I know," Beomgyu replies. His eyes have been closed for a while, but he opens then to peer at Taehyun curiously. "Can't believe I'll finally turn twenty, hm?"

"Twenty years of craziness," Taehyun muses, laughing when Beomgyu elbows him in the side. "What, it's _true._ "

"You're the one who likes me," Beomgyu protests, barely fighting a grin himself. It's become so much easier to smile, nowadays; Taehyun has never thought of himself as a particularly serious person, but still. He's smiling more.

"Yeah, I do," Taehyun agrees, because he knows that's the response that'll make Beomgyu go silent for a couple of moments.

"So, since it's my birthday," Beomgyu continues, a little hesitant. He lets go of Taehyun's hand, moving so that his palm cups the side of Taehyun's cheek instead. "Can I...?"

Taehyun nods. He’s been anticipating this for a while.

Beomgyu leans in to kiss him, a soft, sweet thing. He's smiling as he pulls away. "Is it too soon?" he wonders, looking a little sheepish.

Taehyun shrugs. "Who cares, as long as it feels right?" He presses his lips to Beomgyu's cheek, teasing. 

"Wow, Taehyun," Beomgyu replies, turning to face him fully and looping his arms around Taehyun's neck. "You're becoming so wise, hm?"

"I only learn from the best," Taehyun says, honest. He's started doing this thing where he compliments Beomgyu instead of just teasing him all the time, and it's fun to see how flustered Beomgyu reacts to it. Right now, Beomgyu is pink-cheeked and lovely. 

“Happy birthday,” Taehyun continues, before moving in for another kiss.

Taehyun is no longer afraid to touch Beomgyu as they go to sleep, hands and legs sharing warmth in the winter night. It feels safe to be here with Beomgyu. With the person that he cares so much about, with the boy who makes him feel at ease yet gives him courage to face his discomfort. 

The next morning, Taehyun wakes up early, as usual. Just like he had done last time, he observes Beomgyu's face in his sleep, how beautiful it seems in the orange light.

Before he had been afraid to face his feelings; staying overnight had forced him to confront them. But now, Taehyun just looks forward to living an honest life, with someone by his side who encourages him to be his truest self.

**Author's Note:**

> [stares off into the distance] i'm taegyuist. i seriously wouldn't have been able to do this without my beta rose and the support of my nctxt friends, and as always, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> [twt](http://twitter.com/storyboxed) \+ [cc](http://curiouscat.qa/axiomatic) \+ [more](https://permutative.dreamwidth.org/2602.html) [taegyu](https://listography.com/permutative/notes/taegyu_gifts_%E2%99%A1) [content](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=30172130&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=permutative)
> 
> comments are really appreciated TT____TT


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